Keep 'Em Coming!

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who's submitted their nominations for The Gummi Awards so far. We have some good candidates! (I especially like having to review the abs category!) Let's see if we can get at least two nominations for each one! I don't see any nominations for Most Abrupt and/or Confusing Ending or Most Crazy-Cool Carpet Design. I know you know that I know that you know you can come up with something! Remember, any movie can be nominated, no matter what year or genre. So, thanks again and keep the nominations rolling in!!

Van Helsing (2004)

Directed by: Stephen Sommers
Format: DVD
DVD Features: Explore Dracula’s Castle, bloopers, making of features, “You Are In The Movie”, legend of Van Helsing, commentaries, trailers, DVD rom, Xbox game
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, David Wenham, Richard Roxburgh

(**nominated for The Gummi Awards: Best Geek Sidekick**)

Dracula, ever since his creation by Bram Stoker in 1897, has been considered the lord of vampires. If Stoker had gotten royalties for every time his Count has been depicted in film alone (not to mention comics, television and cereal boxes), he’d have been very wealthy indeed. Dracula is the oldest, most feared and most powerful in vampire lore. However, just as Holmes had his Moriarty and Kahn had his Captain Kirk, Dracula has his arch nemesis in Van Helsing. Almost all of the films based upon Stoker’s novel feature Van Helsing in one regard or another. Sommers chooses to turn the ancient protagonist into an action hero, with just about as many weapons as Batman.

In the beginning of this movie, it appears that maybe the wrong disc is playing. A hunchbacked lab assistant throws a giant switch and amidst flying sparks and arching electricity, a mad scientist cries, “It’s aliiiiiiive!!” Um...Dr. Frankenstein? But, just as your hand reaches for the remote control, Dracula appears in the lab. It seems that The Count has ordered this monster’s creation and has come to collect him. But, his plans are thwarted by a white-haired undertaker and a torch wielding mob. Frankenstein and his monster disappear in a blazing windmill inferno.

One year later, we find Gabriel Van Helsing (the first name is another deviation from the novel) in hot pursuit of the beast known as Mr. Hyde. After an entertaining battle, chock full of spinning blades and pretty good CGI, Van Helsing vanquishes the villain and heads back to headquarters. It appears that our hero is a hit man, hired by The Vatican to rid the world of ghouls and ancient evils. He is in search of a past he can’t remember and the order believes that his next assignment might lead him to some answers. He and his sidekick, a friar named Carl, are sent to Transylvania to rescue the last remaining members of the Valerious family, who all look as though they’ve leapt from the cover of a trashy romance novel. Naturally, he falls for the only lady in town that’s not a vampire, Anna Valerious, and the two of them endeavor to find out what Dracula could possibly want with a young werewolf and the Frankenstein monster.

There are so many problems with the movie Van Helsing, that I hardly know where to begin. Should I start with the exceptionally poor dialogue, delivered through thin and inconsistent accents? Should I complain about the clumsy sentimentality, inserted into the film with awkward and pathetic timing? What about the extraordinarily tired male/female power struggle, (i.e. lame flirting) between Van Helsing and Anna? Someone forgot to tell Sommers that bats don’t lay eggs and that absinthe isn’t customarily drunk straight from the bottle. But, why should I dwell on those minor faults when I could easily point out that the half-assed “puzzle” that Carl takes so long to solve is about as challenging as going fishing with dynamite? I could wonder for a bit about Dracula’s weird, gas masked minions or even ponder why, when Carl and Van Helsing bust into a church, Carl is so concerned about breaking commandments when he’s already used the line, “I’m just a friar” to excuse himself from swearing and getting laid. Oh, and don’t forget that Dracula does more prancing about than his three “brides” who are hardly more than a trio of screeching boob displays. Why doesn’t Van Helsing, legendary vampire hunter, know fact one about vampires and how did he suddenly become the archangel Gabriel?????????

Whew. Now that I’ve unloaded those remarks like so many poorly aimed arrows from Van Helsing’s semi-automatic crossbow (the guy couldn’t hit the broad side of Transylvanian castle), let’s see if there’s anything good to be gleaned from the experience. If the movie Van Helsing has any saving graces, it’s the spectacular CGI and efforts of a few actors.

Hugh Jackman, while lovely to watch, is basically just Wolverine all over again (were-Wolverine?) and doesn’t make much of a leap in range here. Kate Beckinsale, who plays Anna, has just as much eye candy to offer as Jackman does, but little else. Would it be too much to ask for a heroine who could care less about the leading man and wears less than a D cup? I could see Jackman and Beckinsale performing much better if they actually had good material to work with. The best actor by far in this film is Shuler Hensley, who plays Frankenstein’s monster and even he seems to struggle against the horrific script.

The movie’s best feature - hands down – is its beautiful CGI. The Jekyll/Hyde battle is grossly entertaining and nicely choreographed. All of the transformation scenes in the film, whether they were Dracula, his brides’ or the werewolves’, were seamless. It’s too bad that it takes much more than badass visuals to make a movie. Had there been any good dialogue, consistency, or thought put into the mix, Van Helsing would have been bearable to watch more than once.

Overall Rating: 2
Hottie Rating: 4 (Um...shirtless male bondage? Hello!)

Alternate recommendation: Underworld
Official site
IMDB Page
Slate Review

***Note: If you found this review via IMDB, please let us know by leaving a comment. Thanks!***

1. Most Overrated Leading Actor

The first category in The Gummi Awards is for the Most Overrated Leading Actor. Do you think Tom Cruise is a schmuck? Is Brad Pitt the pits? Want to give Matt Damon an ultimatum? Well, now's your chance to let it be known! Nominate a "leading man" who everyone seems ga-ga over and you don't get why.

The Nominees Are:

Russell Crowe - "especially in Gladiator. Couldn't stand him. Boring, not sexy, uninspiring line delivery. Couldn't figure out why everyone was all ga-ga over him."

George Clooney - "Yep, he's hot and yep, he can act. Except for his acting seems to kind of embody one persona, so he's kind of hard to stretch. But, maybe he does better in some of his newer movies, I don't know. All I know is that I'm not that impressed."

Tom Cruise - "who I consider the Britney Spears of the silver screen. But for the benefit of a good storyline, special effects, or talented costars, would his acting even be noticed?"

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

2. Most Nauseating Vomit Scene

The second category in The Gummi Awards is for the Most Nauseating Vomit Scene in a movie. Sure, there are loads of movies in which people blow chunks! Nominate the scene that made you want to follow suit!

The Nominees Are:

Beerfest - Kevin Heffernan (Landfill)

The Exorcist - The green, projectile vomiting (watch a clip)

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

3. Best Geek Sidekick

(Thanks to my Dad for suggesting this one)

The third category for The Gummi Awards is for the Best Geek Sidekick. This character can be male or female, generally wears glasses (but not necessarily), and is incredibly well read or technologically gifted in some way. This person supports the main character by interjecting invaluable snippets of info at just the right moment or MacGyvering the perfect surveillance device. Nominate the guy who can build robots or hack into the Pentagon, but not the guy who can play Halo for hours on end.

The Nominees Are:

Van Helsing (2004)- "Terrible movie, but David Wenham's Carl steals the show!"

True Lies - Tom Arnold "Not only does he serve a healthy dose of 90's era one-liners, but he bails out Arnold without cock-blocking him too much."

"Justin Bartha as Riley Poole in the National Treasure movies. He's a true geek, but he'll get you into anything and anywhere."

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

4. Dumbest Blonde

(another suggestion from Dad)

The fourth category for The Gummi Awards is for the Dumbest Blonde in a film. Everybody loves blonde jokes, right? In this case, the character, rather than the actress/actor should be the nominee. Otherwise, Paris Hilton would win hands down. Your nominee must also appear in the movie for more than 5 minutes, i.e. a lead role or supporting role.

The Nominees Are:

Best In Show - Sherri Ann Ward Cabot played by Jennifer Coolidge


Legally Blonde

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

5. Best Use of Dialogue In A Single Scene

The fifth category in The Gummi Awards is for the Best Use of Dialogue In A Single Scene of a film. The dialogue can be a snappy one-liner, or a well-worded conversation between a couple. The catch is that the dialogue must be confined to one particular scene in a film. Some movies have great lines all the way through. The trick is to narrow it down to the prime portion. So, send in your nomination with the name of the movie and either the exact lines spoken or the particular scene in which the dialogue takes place.

The Nominees Are:

Running Scared - 1986 - "The scene where Billy Crystal is duping someone over the phone." (watch a clip)

The Princess Bride - "The scene where the Man in Black challenges Vizinni to a duel of sorts. Which cup has the poison? You know, that I know, that you know, that I am a genius, so clearly it's not in your cup?" (watch a clip)

Goodwill Hunting - "The scene where Matt Damon trumps a plagiarizing grad student by outwitting, out-sourcing, and out-matching him. It was an intellectual showdown worthy of MENSA itself." (watch a clip)

V For Vendetta: Nominated for just about every time V speaks in the film. Namely the scene where he takes over London's airwaves.

The Libertine: Nominated for Johnny Depp's brilliant and chilling opening monologue, ending with "I do not want you to like me" as he fades back into the shadows.

Pirates of the Caribbean: "Why is the rum always gone?"

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

6. Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles

(Thanks goes to Carrie for the suggestion)

The sixth category in The Gummi Awards is for movie which has the overall Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles. Get it - sixth category...six pack!? The abs can belong to a man or a woman or a combination of men and women. Nominate the film that you think has the juiciest and most frequent display of rippling abdominals. This is a category I am most particularly going to enjoy screening (evil chuckle).

The Nominees Are:

Two for the Money

300

Top Gun

Thelma & Louise

Into the Blue

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

7. Most Awkward Moment

The seventh category in The Gummi Awards is for the Most Awkward Moment in a movie. Remember that time when you came running upstairs to tell mom about your high marks in creative writing class and burst in on her performing oral sex on Uncle Fred? That's the kind of awkward I mean. Yes, nominate a scene from a movie that made you squirm a little in your seat.

The Nominees Are:

A History of Violence - "Viggo's character and his wife (in cheerleader outfit) going 69...forever. Perhaps it would have been less awkward in the comfort of my own home; but I was watching at the theatre, sitting next to an elderly couple. Oh my."


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - "Don't you hate it when you're all drunk and trying to pick up the hot chick, then you wake up with her ugly best friend laying next to you, but you can't remember what happened so you go to the hot chick's house and she slams the door on you thus amputating your finger, then later on a dog eats said amputated finger? Totally awkward."


Slums of Beverly Hills - "The scene where Vivian's father walks in on her dancing seductively with a vibrator. She is so embarrassed, she can't get it to turn off. Meanwhile, Rita is laughing hysterically. A great movie with Natasha Lyonne, Alan Arkin, Marisa Tomei, and David Krumholtz."

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

8. Best Scene Involving Food

The eighth category in The Gummi Awards is for the Best Scene Involving Food in a movie. The nominations for this category may include food-fight scenes, "naughty play" scenes and cooking scenes, as examples. The only exceptions are scenes in which human flesh is the main course. While The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover and Eating Raul are two of my favorite films, it would have been all too easy to come up with nominations and all too difficult to choose between them. So, I have decided to rule them out for this category. Instead nominate your favorite scenes, like a great dinner conversation or an arousing chocolate tasting.

The Nominees Are:

Pan's Labyrinth - "The girl must complete a task, and has been warned that she will be tempted to eat, but that she should eat nothing from the table. It turns out that the table is set with a most sumptious feast - and she is starving. She manages to pass up everything, to complete the task, but on the way out her eye is caught by some delicious looking grapes. She takes just one...terror ensues!" (watch a clip)

Hook - "When Peter Pan finally starts to remember being a kid and how to imagine." (watch a clip)

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

9. Most Offensive Example of Animal Testing/Cruelty

The ninth category in The Gummi Awards is for the scene that provides the Most Offensive Example of Animal Testing/Cruelty in a film. Make no mistake - I do not condone animal abuse in any form, especially for entertainment. So, this category was not created to celebrate or glorify animal suffering in any way. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals often exhibits footage of slaughterhouse cruelty in an effort to raise awareness. Whether or not you are an advocate of animal rights, nominate a film that you thought showed a gross mistreatment of animal life in a realistic way. Your nomination must be a full-length feature and the animal featured may or may not have been actually harmed.

The Nominees Are:

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)- for the turtle soup

Atonement - for the scene on the beach where the British are executing horses Columbian drug-lord style...

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - "Poor little spider is just trying to feel up the cute blonde, and gets crushed in her bra. Sad, really, really, sad."

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

10. Most Crazy-Cool Carpet Design

The tenth category in The Gummi Awards is for the movie which features the Most Crazy-Cool Carpet Design. Although it's not often realized, a tremendous amount of effort goes into choosing design elements in film. Like choosing a wardrobe for the actors, choosing carpeting, furniture and wallpaper lend the picture a sense of style. In the movie Lucky Number Slevin, for example, the wallpaper in Nick Fisher's apartment building is made up of crazy-cool geometrics and Amy Butler-type patterns. Nominate a film which features at least one eye-popping carpet design. It may or may not be important to the plot of the movie. (As an aside, The Dude's rug in The Big Lebowski does not count.)

The Nominees Are:

The Shining - "of course! The carpet is very '70s and geometric and trippy, especially with little Danny rolling around on it with his Big Wheels. It almost makes sense to see the dead twin girls standing on that same carpet later in the movie (not to mention a recently-bludgeoned and bleeding dead man on the busy and colorful hallway tile)." (watch a clip)

The Devils Advocate - "The floor in the penthouse. Not as cool as the sculpture behind the desk though... "

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - "If you are hiding under a bed, next to a pink-haired dead chick, it's always nice to be laying on a cool carpet. Come to think of it, the whole apartment was pretty cool looking - maybe I'm just assuming the carpet was, too."

Beetlejuice - "The carpet in the entryway, 3-D patterned to look like square shaped holes in the floor." (watch a clip)

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

11. Most Entertaining Title Sequence

The eleventh category in The Gummi Awards is for the film with the Most Entertaining Title Sequence. Movies don't always have these, by the way. Cartoons, on the other hand, almost always do. For example, in any Teen Titans or Powerpuff Girls episode, there may be a period of action prior to the opening credits, but it's brief, before the theme music kicks in and the familiar characters are introduced. It's the same way with some movies, except that we only see the title sequence once. Remember that James Bond movie with the images projected onto naked women? That's what I'm talking about. Nominate the movie that you think provided the most stylized introduction.

The Nominees Are:

Farenheit 451 - "The opening credits are actually NOT printed, they are read by one of the characters. At the same time, the viewer is shown scores of TV antennas. This is important as it underscores the fact that printed word is illegal, in this particular reality, and that all pertinent information is "fed" to the public via television."

Se7en - "Not only does the opening sequence contain a montage of oddities and freakish, mutant-like images, it also serves as great foreplay into the mind of the psychotically brilliant, "John Doe." It also doesn't hurt that the background music is a b-side version of "Closer," by Nine Inch Nails." (watch a clip)

Drop Dead Fred

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

12. Most Creative Ending Credit Sequence

The twelfth category in The Gummy Awards is for the movie with the Most Creative Ending Credit Sequence. After the finale of the majority of films out there, the names of the cast and crew scroll by in white letters on a simple black background. Sometimes the colors vary, but the ending credits are usually a prompt to sweep the popcorn off of your lap and leave the theater. There are a handful of creative minds who have used the credits, instead, as a creative medium and embellished it with clever animations or amusing outtakes. Nominate a movie for this category, which had a closing credit reel that you can actually enjoy watching. The amusement doesn't necessarily have to carry the full length of the credits either, but must be at least until the cast listing is over.

The Nominees Are:

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Monsters Inc.

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

13. Most Accurate Book-To-Movie Adaptation

The thirteenth category in The Gummi Awards is for the film with the Most Accurate Book-To-Movie Adaptation. Many of us have caught ourselves complaining at one time or another that our favorite novel was mangled beyond recognition when Hollywood decided to dumb it down for the big screen (i.e. The Beach by Alex Garland). However, believe it or not, there are some directors/screenwriters who took tender care in preserving as much of the written story as possible. Some even included the author in the filmmaking process. So, nominate the film you think did the best job of conveying what you experienced in written form, on screen.

The Nominees Are:

Perfume

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

The Mist

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

14. Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence

(Thanks to Richard for suggesting this catetory!)

The fourteenth category in The Gummi Awards is for a movie scene with the Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence. Have you ever been watching a movie when, quite unexpectedly, the characters break into song? Nominate a scene in which this frivolity seemed most absurdly timed or oddly focused.

The Nominees Are:

Almost Famous - "Elton John tour bus scene" (watch a clip)

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - "I don't care if it's a musical. The singing in Sweeney Todd (with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter) was just plain inappropriate and ridiculous."

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order, counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

15. Most Abrupt and/or Confusing Ending

(Thanks to Chadstract for suggesting this one, even though he doesn't realize it.)

The fifteenth and final category in The Gummi Awards is for the movie with the Most Abrupt and/or Confusing Ending. Nominate a movie with an ending that left you with more questions than it answered, or just one fat question mark. Movies that are part of a series, such as Harry Potter or The Golden Compass do not qualify for this category as they are not complete storylines. James Bond movies, on the other hand, do qualify as plot does not carry over from one film to another; each Bond movie is self-contained.

The Nominees Are:

Gone Baby Gone

American Gangster

Premonition

(This category is now closed to new nominations. Stay tuned to GP to discover the winners!)

**Note: Categories are being listed in reverse order; counting down from 15. To get the full details of The Gummi Awards, read here.

Introducing...The Gummi Awards!!

I am proud to announce the inception of the very first Gummi Awards!! It seems that every movie reviewer or film website eventually devises their own version of the more famous awards programs, Gummi Popcorn being no exception. After all, we wouldn't be reviewers if we didn't like to offer our opinions (or force them on people)! However, I've tried to steer clear of the usual "Best Actor" and "Best Picture" categories and inject my special brand of weirdness into the mix. Yes, you've seen awards for things like "Best Kiss", but what about "Best Breakdance Routine" (that's not really a category, btw)?

Another aspect of the very special Gummi Awards that sets it apart, is timing. You'll notice that it isn't part of the pre-Academy hype. In fact, I'm not sure if I'll do this annually or just whenever the Hell I feel like it. This year, the Awards are roughly around the time of SXSW in Austin, TX. Having lived in that fantastic city for a while, the festival holds a special place in my heart. So, that could be one reason I chose this change of seasons to celebrate.

What's really going to cook your noodle though, is the way in which the winners will be decided! Instead of Gummi Popcorn presenting the nominations and our readers' votes deciding the winners, it's going to be a switcheroo! Are you psyched yet? Okay, here's how it all breaks down:

Within the next few days, all of the award categories will be posted here at Gummi Popcorn, along with their criterion. Your job, as the reader, is to nominate the movies, characters and scenes you think best fit the bill. You can nominate as many movies as you like, in as many categories as you like. As the nominations come in, I will post them under their category and watch them if I haven't seen them already. After I've had time to review all of the nominations, I'll make my descision and award the winner.

But, wait! There's a twist ~ Prizes!! And it's not Hollywood that wins this time, it's you! Once I've decided on a winner for each category, the person who first nominated that film, character or scene will receive a Gummi Popcorn bag full of Prizes!! What are the prizes you ask? Well, the Popcorn bag will include a very random assortment of items. You can expect to find things like Gummi Popcorn merch, something gummi, some type of microwave popcorn, and whatever else I find lying around HQ.

But, wait!! There's another twist!! The Popcorn bags come in two sizes: medium and large (we don't do small). The large bags bags will include a DVD or a theater gift certificate! How will I decide who gets a free movie? Well, most categories were invented specifially because I had a certain movie in mind. Of course, I'm not going to give away which films or which categories they are. The point is...if your nomination meets or beats my original idea, you get the bonus bag!!

Sounds good, right? Are you on board?? Wait...what's that?? "How do I submit my nomination," you ask? Well, I mentioned earlier that each award category will have its own post here at Gummi Popcorn. When you see a category that you'd like to submit a nomination for, simply post a comment at the bottom! It's that simple! You've got to include your name and email as well as a description of the scene and/or name of the movie/actor you wish to suggest as the winner. All comments left at Gummi Popcorn are sent to me via email for approval before they are posted on the site. I will simply record your nomination and info on a piece of paper here at HQ, and decline to post the comment. See how easy it all is! Your name and information will not be viewable by the public until winners are selected, at which point only your first name (or nickname) will be mentioned.

Gummi Popcorn will not, under any circumstances, sell, share or distribute any of your information at any point. Ever. Not even if they back a truckload of cash up to my house. So, the only thing I'll be using your info for is to notify you that you've won and find out where to send your Popcorn bag!!

Stay tuned for the Gummi Awards categories!

All Things Change In A Dynamic Environment

Although the redesign of Gummi Popcorn has been delayed (until I can afford a decent laptop), I do have some exciting changes in the works. In the days and weeks to come, look for:

~ A new rating system!! (insert cheer of crowd)
~ The Gummi Awards!! (crowd does "the wave")
~ Contests and prizes!!! (ooooh....ahhhhh!)
~ A new "lists" category!! (teenaged girls pass out)

As always, I encourage you to leave comments, I crave your requests, and I adore lavishly generous compliments!!

A Soul Haunted By Painting (1994)

a.k.a. Hua hun

Directed by: Shuqin Huang
Format: DVD / Mandarin with English subtitles
DVD Features: (coming soon)
Starring: Li Gong, Fang Cen, Shen Hairong, Shichang Da

I often boast that I have seen over 200 Hong Kong films. It’s true, of course, but I haven’t had nearly the same degree of experience with films from mainland China. Although both places are neighbors on the globe, their cinematic styles are worlds apart. While Hong Kong is home to action superstar Jackie Chan and comedic giant Stephen Chow, the films from China itself are generally more dramatic, artistic and subtle; what you might call “art house”. I have rarely ventured beyond those films which have gained popularity on Western shores; films like Raise the Red Lantern (Da hong deng long gao gao gua) and Fairwell My Concubine (Ba weng bie ji). So, in an effort to round out my Chinese film experience, I decided to rent A Soul Haunted By Painting.

This movie is based upon the life of Pan Yuliang, one of China’s early controversial and ground-breaking painters. As the film begins, a young Yulaing is living in a brothel, in training to become one of the hired girls. On her first night as an official prostitute, she is raped. Terrified, she runs away from the brothel and begs local official Xiao Lan, for whom she was originally to entertain, to help her. He takes her in and the couple soon fall in love. Shortly after Xiao takes Pan as his second wife, he leaves to take part in a political uprising. While he is away, Yulaing entertains herself by learning to paint.

She finds that she has an affinity for the art and begins to study at a local Chinese school. But, the school is shut down for using nude models. Since it’s clear that her homeland is too conservative, she travels to France with a classmate to continue her studies. After meeting with some success there, she returns to China to be with her husband. Much to their chagrin, however, the couple discovers that Yuliang is unable to bear children. Recognizing the importance in their culture for a man to have a son, Yuliang writes to Pan’s first wife, inviting her to come and stay with them. As can be expected, the situation soon becomes unbearable for Yuliang and she returns to Europe.

The story continues in this fashion, back and forth between countries and cultures, throughout Yuliang’s lifetime. As is typical of some Chinese film, much focus is put on the tragedy and pain of existence. So, the film isn’t particularly upbeat, but no less interesting and important, if only for its biographical content and social commentary. Pan Yulaing is clearly an important historical figure and the filmmakers of Hua hun paint the woman as strong-willed in the face of a very restrictive and male-centric society.

Aside from its significance as an historical piece, the film isn’t particularly interesting. Many tales from China seem to begin in brothels and end in tragedy. So, it wasn’t terribly exciting or original. It also seemed to drag on forever and I kept checking the clock, wondering how much more of it I would have to endure. I think that the film could have been much more exciting while still maintaining the same degree of historical accuracy (or inaccuracy?).

My impression of Hua hun wasn’t helped by the low production quality of the DVD. The only mildly appealing feature on the disc (aside from the film itself) was an introduction that was obviously taken from a British television program that, at one point, must have featured this film. It points out some of the cultural highlights, which doesn’t actually help if you watch this feature after viewing the movie. The picture itself is very poor. The film is grainy and washed out and, in some scenes, it’s even difficult to make out what the actors are doing. Not being able to see the movie definitely detracts from enjoyment of it!

The most positive attribute of A Soul Haunted by Painting was, by far, the acting. While I don’t agree with the profoundly popular opinion that Li Gong is one of the most beautiful actors in the world, I do agree that she’s one of the more talented. She plays a fantastic Pan Yuliang, until the character becomes elderly. After which, she is less convincing. However, that version of her character is a very brief part of the film and the rest of her performance is passionate and committed. Her male counterpart, Fang Cen, is talented as well. Watching their two characters interact is the most absorbing element of Hua hun and without these two, I think the film might have been quite a bit less bearable under most circumstances (wine and Vicoden make almost any movie bearable).

I like the character Pan Yulaing and I think she’s an important historical figure, especially from the viewpoint of women’s rights. However, this depiction of her life failed to move me and if it weren’t for the earnest efforts of its actors, I think I may have panned the film completely.

Overall Rating: 2
Hottie Rating: 0

Alternate Recommendation: Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams
Official Site (none found)
IMDB Page
SplicedWire DVD mini-review (the only other review I could find!)

***If you found this review via IMDB, please let us know by leaving a comment. Thanks!***