Horror-thon 2008

Success!! GP survived 8 unending hours of pure horror yesterday, in preparation for this most phantasmic of holidays. Below are 10 mini-reviews (in no particular order), cooked up for your viewing pleasure. Hold on to your pointy hats.....!

1. 2001 Maniacs (2005)- Dir. by Tim Sullivan. Star. Robert Englund.

2001 Maniacs is the tale of a crew of three college boys off to Daytona Beach for Spring Break. Instead, an unexpected detour takes them to a place called Pleasant Valley. While it's not as far South as Florida, the place is certainly "deep South". Englund plays the town mayor, who sports a Confederate Flag eye patch and a hokey twang. The townsfolk are amazingly generous, but more than a little bit creepy. Excitement for the big feast abounds, but fewer and fewer outsiders seem to be likely to make it to the event...alive anyway. Aside from the fact that the title may have just as well have been 2001 Boob Shots, 2001 Maniacs was highly amusing. The movie shares many intentional similarities to Cabin Fever. So, if you enjoyed watching that one, you'll love this movie. This movie doesn't take itself seriously for a second and that's part of what makes it so much fun. I still don't think Englund would have a career if it wasn't for Freddy Kreuger.

3 stars. trailer

2. Halloween (2007) - Dir. by Rob Zombie. Star. Malcolm McDowell

So many people have told me that they were disappointed with Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween that I was prepared to be disappointed. After finally seeing the film, I would consider it less of a "remake" than an "homage". Zombie has always made it abundantly clear, even prior to his directorial debut, that he is a fan of the genre. He pays a great deal of respect to the original work. The first half of the movie is the background story of how Michael Myers came to be the psychopathic killer he is known as. The second half is a rehash (or an update) of the events in the original film. I found myself completely satisfied with the Rob Zombie version. It shed much light into the main character while respecting John Carpenter's vision.

4 stars. trailer

3. Vampire Diary (2007) - Dir. by Mark James & Phil O'Shea. Star. Anna Walton

Vampire Diary is a film out of the UK. It begins as the story of documentary filmmaker, Holly, who is busy following a group of so-called "vampires" about. This group of club-kids are truly nothing more than pretenders, dancing around in black eyeliner and latex. It's while she's filming them, however, that she meets a mysterious woman named Vicki. Vicki is a completely different breed. The second part of this story covers the somewhat tragic lesbian relationship between Holly and Vicki. Vampire Diary has a very amateur feel that gives the film a gritty edge and a distinctly UK underground flavor. It has a tendency to drag a bit in the middle and it is certainly not typical of vampire movies. The best part is really watching Anna Walton.

2 1/2 stars. trailer

4. The Happening (2008) - Dir. by M. Night Shyamalan. Star. Mark Wahlberg

The latest from M. Night Shyamalan seems to have gotten just as bad of a rap as The Village did. Call me biased, but I don't think this director has yet to make a "bad" movie. In The Happening, a mysterious event has spread throughout the East Coast, causing people to commit suicide en masse. School Science teacher Elliot Moore, his wife and their friend learn that the airborn toxin is wafting to Philadelphia and decide to join the exodus out of town. I thought the storyline for The Happening was an inspired one; very original. There were some extremely disturbing scenes, most memorable of them being at the construction site. However, the movie suffers from one major flaw. It's name is Mark Wahlberg. While I appreciate the man's acting for the most part, he was awful in The Happening. A cardboard cutout of the actor would have done just as well and had to have been paid far less.

3 stars. trailer

5. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) - Dir. by Tim Burton. Star. Johnny Depp

When I heard that Burton was going to give the classic story of Sweeney Todd his special treatment, I was ecstatic. When I learned that it was going to be a musical, I was less enthusiastic. When I actually heard Depp and Bonham Carter sing, I was nauseated. The costume and sets in this movie are the most gloriously theatrical since Pee Wee's Big Adventure. There is good deal of blood spraying and gushing about, but it all looks (intentionally, I suspect) rather fake. The plot is truly deserving of the "classic" badge of honor, by the way, and would seem to lend itself well to a director who dabbles in the dark and delightful. Wonderfully stylistic, as Burton tends to be, but marred significantly by the lead actors' serious lack of any vocal skill whatsoever.

2 stars. trailer


6. Invasion (2007) - Dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel. Star. Nicole Kidman

This story has had many incarnations, from the original, black and white, 1956 version to the 1993 stingray creature version. It hasn't gotten any less creepy. My personal favorite was the 1978 Donal Sutherland version. Regardless, the concept that those around us might all someday turn against us is inherently sinister. Kidman and Daniel Craig struggle through this latest version, trying to remain unturned. The story is basically the same as in past renditions. The two stars are convincing and do their roles proud. I think Invasion is now my second favorite telling of the Body Snatchers story.

3 stars. trailer

7. Quaranine (2008) - Dir. John Erick Dowdle. Star. Jennifer Carpenter

Initial trailers for this film had me saying, "That looks like the dumbest movie ever." But, since it was the only horror film playing at my neighborhood theater on the dark and stormy night that I insisted on driving that extra mile down the highway, I ended up seeing Quarantine anyway. It just goes to show how deceiving trailers can be. The entire film is shot through a hand-held videocam, exactly like Blair Witch was. So, until the 20 minutes that it takes to get used to the unsteady picture passes, you may be a little motion sick. While it is, on the one hand, sometimes frustrating to have the audience's vision restricted to the perspective of one character in the film, on the other, the restriction heightens the sensation that someone may be creeping up behind. The story is interesting and takes advantage of paranoia as its main scare tactic. A pleasant surprise and the only one of these 10 films that actually frightened me at all.

3 stars. trailer

8. The Reaping (2007) - Dir. Stephen Hopkins. Star. Hillary Swank

The Reaping centers around a college professor, who travels the world in order to disprove so-called miracles. Because of her reputation, the town of Haven sends a school teacher to meet her and request her aid with one of their own mysteries. It seems that the town's entire river has turned to blood. It seems also, that if Katherine doesn't agree to help, a young girl's life may be in danger. As she sets about applying her scientific methods to explain the phenomenon, the town is visited by a series of biblical plagues and it becomes harder for Katherine to deny a supernatural cause. The Reaping was not disappointing, mainly because I didn't think it would be any good in the first place. The "twist" ending is trite and predictable. The acting is mediocre. One thing I was grateful for was the absence of focus on the apparently tempting topic of a black man in the South.

3 stars. trailer

9. Shiver (2008) a.k.a. Eskalofrio - Dir. Isidro Ortiz. Star. Julio Valverde

Shiver comes to America from the same people who brought us The Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth. It's the tale of a young man with an allergy to sunlight and his single mother. To avoid the bullying and health issues of living in the city, the pair move to a town in a shady valley. When villagers begin to die, their blood sucked from their bodies, guess who's the main suspect? I detest the American name for this film, but that's just about the only thing I found objectionable about it.

3 1/2 stars. trailer

10. The Number 23 - Dir. Joel Schumacher. Star. Jim Carrey

While I am not a fan of Carrey's brand of comedy, I do enjoy him in dramatic roles. In The Number 23, he plays a dog catcher who is, while bored at work, happily married with a son. On his birthday, his wife gives him a small-press paperback that cause him to correlate everything to the number 23. Save yourself the trouble and rent Pi instead.

2 1/2 stars. trailer

Update: Halloween Plans

GP had planned a nice, relaxing vacation down to our beloved Austin, Texas for the holiday weekend. However, due to unforseen and tragic circumstances, we had to cancel our trip (Luckily, we won't miss out on any party action for our most favored holiday). What that means for you is, we have the opportunity to present a special event.

Last year, Gummi Popcorn posted a list of our favorite 10 Horror recommendations. This year, we will begin monster movie maddness (starting immediately after this is posted) which will last for eight grueling hours. At the end of it, GP will post 10 (count 'em) mini reviews. Each one will be a movie never before reviewed at GP and each will be even more terrible than the last!! (OooooOOOOooooh!). To keep up our strength, we have fortified our castle with Bloody Mary's and salted nuts. Will we survive so many straight hours of Hell??

Wait and see.....

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Format: DVD
DVD Features: commentary, deleted scenes, trailer, featurette
Starring: Taylor Handley, Jordana Brewster, Diora Baird, Matthew Bomer, R. Lee Ermey
trailer

Anyone who's ever taken a cross-country road trip, especially through Texas, knows that the way is polka-dotted with tiny little towns. Some of them are no larger than a gas station and a motel. Those towns have always creeped me out. I've walked into a roadside Dairy Queen and had a room full of backwoods eyes follow me up to the counter. Once, I stopped my car on the side of the highway just to poke my head out and look at the stars. It was mighty fast before flashes of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre made me poke my head back in. If I was the only person who got chills from inbred, tobacca chewers, we wouldn't have movies like The Hills Have Eyes, The Devil's Rejects or 2001 Maniacs. We most certainly would not have this prequel to a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

In The Beginning, two brothers are on their way to enlist in the military and ship off to Vietnam. The eldest, Eric (Bomer), is marching off proudly to his second tour. What he doesn't know is that his brother Dean (Handley) is planning to detour to Mexico to dodge the draft. The pair are just beginning to hash out the issue when they and their girlfriends are run off the road. Sheriff Hoyt arrives on the scene and takes the two boys and Dean's girl Bailey (Baird) into custody. Instead of taking the group down to the stationhouse, they end up at the home of the Hewitts. Hoyt is actually head of the household, all dressed up like a lawman. The family is the last left in town after the slaughterhouse closed and drove most of the residents out. While Dean, Eric and Bailey suffer the Hewitts' demented sense of hospitality, Eric's girlfriend Chrissie catches up to them and attempts a daring rescue.

Generally, it's not in one's best interest to expect good acting in a horror film. Disappointment almost assuredly follows. (The only exeption to that rule might be a Hitchcock film.) That said, it was surprising to find the acting in TCM: The Beginning well above par. Taking center stage is R. Lee Ermey who plays Sheriff Hoyt/Mr. Hewitt. He's completely convicing as the disgusting, disturbed and dispicable head of a household of cannibals. If I ever met the actor, I'd have a really hard time turning my back toward him. The best out of the four kids in the movie is Handley, as Dean. Not only is he cute with his boyish blonde curls, but
his character has surprising strength. The rest of the cast is marginal. Andrew Bryniarski is the actor behind the leather face, but little more is required of him than a bit of lumbering about.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is advertised as the answer to everything you ever wanted to know about Leatherface. Even the filmmakers, when trying to explain themselves in the special features, don't lend very convincing support to the prequel claim. In reality, the only segment that gives any background to the legendary murderer's past is the brief series of scenes that backdrop the opening credits. Apparently, after the 2003 remake of TCM was released, the producers of the movie were innundated with questions from fans. It seems as though they took those questions, invented answers to them on the fly, and strung the rest of the movie together to fill in the gaps. The Beginning ends up being, in essence, TCM: The Remake Part 2; yet another retelling of the same scenario.

The movie is, however, quite gorey and with me, a little gore goes a long way. Every drop of blood was very realistic and all of the major components are covered. TCM: The Beginning satisfies the blood splatter, juicy organs, dismembered digits and gapeing body cavity cravings of a jaded horror fanatic. Want to see someone impaled on a rusty chainsaw? You'll get two. Want to see someone get their face peeled off? No problem. There was even one scene that turned my stomach a little and that's saying something. Full marks for gore gratification! (Honestly, don't let the kids watch this one.)

Although the story is getting tired at this point, it must be difficult to follow up one of the best horror movies ever made. Maybe it's the source material or maybe it's the "based on a true story" level of reality, but TCM: The Beginning does much better than your average fright fest. While it's not as fun as a movie like Cabin Fever, it is a bit traumatic. After watching it, you'll feel like you've been through something terrible.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2
Hottie Rating: 2

Alternate Recommendation: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Official Site
IMDB Page
Dr. Gore's review

News: GP the Candy

I was in the drugstore on my lunch break today, looking for those Halloween candy pumpkins I adore, when lo and behold:



Gummy Popcorn candy!! I knew it was a matter of time before someone stole my idea (despite the spelling difference)! Naturally, I had to pick up a box to check out the situation. I was unhappy to discover that, while the box is kinda neat, and the idea is fantastic, the execution is disgusting. The "Gummy" candies are sort of marshmallowey, like the white part of those gummy frogs (or strawberries or sharks). They're coated in sugar/sour granules. However, they don't have any identifiable flavor. They don't really taste like popcorn, or any kind of fruit. They sort of taste like something you'd find under the sink, but sour. Eww. Regardless, winners of The Gummi Awards might find a box of these in their prize pack.

Update: Last Call for Nominations

Well everyone, it seems that the Gummi Awards has gone on long enough. We were holding out, hoping to get a few more nominations in before closing the doors. However, those categories are starting to look a little moldy and stale up there on the left. In order to be fair to those readers who did submit their nominations, we will officially close the contest down at the end of the month, on Halloween (October 31st). Last chance to let us know what you'd like to see win a Gummi Award and last chance to win some prizes for yourself! Categories will close regardless of whether or not there have been nominations. Here's what we still need to see:

Most Nauseating Vomit Scene - c'mon people, you're missing such an obvious one here! So far we've only got one nomination. Are you going to let that person win? Well, are you?! The one we're thinking of is a comedy...

Most Awkward Moment - aren't there any movies out there where mom walks in on her son "choking the chicken" or someone catches their junk in a zipper?? I know I've seen one or two of those....

Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence - there are more nominations in the Crazy Cool Carpet Design category than there are for this one. Seriously.

Tell your friends, pester your spouses and if you just can't think of anything go online! The clock is ticking (tick, tick, tick)...

Know Your Director: Introduction

It is a travesty that the directors of film often get less credit than the cast does. The public seems to identify a movie much more by the faces in front of the camera than the crew behind it. In trailers, movies will often proclaim, “From the director of …” instead of just mentioning a person’s name. Understandably, actors and actresses get more recognition because they’re so much more visible. It’s somewhat like looking at a sculpture and admiring the quality of the bronze while ignoring the artist who formed it.

At GP, we feel that it’s really the director who can make or break a film and that the best actors in the world often flounder under poor direction. As an illustration, consider the movie Mad Dog and Glory. The film stars three actors with a proven track record of excellence on screen; Robert DeNiro, Uma Thurman and Bill Murray. So, one might reasonably imagine that Mad Dog and Glory might be a good film. It wasn’t (no need to wait for that review). It sucked. Badly. So, why was DeNiro great in The Good Shepherd, Thurman fantastic in Pulp Fiction, and Murray hilarious in Rushmore, but not in this movie? Answer: direction. Mad Dog and Glory was directed by John McNaughton whose body of work consists largely of television episodes. Nothing can ruin the performance of three skilled actors like poor directing.

With that said, GP would like to introduce a new feature dedicated to the most talented, creative and exceptional people in the director’s chair. Know Your Director will profile a specific man or woman each time, focusing on the aspects that make their films stand out. Each one has a certain style that defines their work, favorite cast members and familiar titles. So, next time you’re seeking a new experience at the theater (or the rental store, or the On Demand menu) Know Your Director may be a good place to start.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Directed by: Ethan & Joel Coen
Format: Theater
Starring: Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand
Trailer

There are certain directors who can always get me to fill a seat in the theater. The Coens are two of them. Although I've been burned before by the dynamic duo, I will allow that everyone makes mistakes and they haven't illed so much as to cancel themselves from my list of favorites. Burn After Reading was certainly on my list of "what to see" as soon as I saw the trailer. So, when someone offered to take me to a film Friday night, I immediately knew which one I wanted to go to. Knowing that my movie companion was a little on the conservative side (I don't mean politically), I took the chance that she'd appreciate something a little offbeat, but also oddly amusing. At least, that's what I was hoping for...

Burn After Reading is billed as a "spy comedy", but I wouldn't really classify it that way (Get Smart fits the description more). The whole thing begins with Linda Litzke (McDormand) who is a single woman desperate to feel attractive. To do so, she believes, will take a series of expensive operations. Since her insurance refuses her coverage, she is forced to seek other means of financing her endeavors. When her coworkers at the local gym discover a CD loaded with suspicious documents, she sees her chance at making a little cash. The man that she and gym-mate Chad (Pitt) make a clumsy attempt to blackmail is indeed former CIA agent, Osbourne Cox (Malkovich). The reason he's "former" is because he's got some booze-related problems and his wife, Katie (Swinton) is preparing to divorce him for attractive Treasury agent Harry Pfarrer. Pfarrer, despite the fact that he loves his wife, is an habitual cheater. Not only is he sneaking around with Cox's wife, he also manages to get into Litzke's undergarments. As if that isn't confusing enough, add in the rest of the CIA, the Russians, a few divorce attorneys and an unrequited love. Oy.

I've noticed that many great directors, the Coens included of course, choose to work with the same actors on a regular basis. It almost seems like a group of friends making movies for their own entertainment. Among the Coens regulars are Francis McDormand (Fargo, Blood Simple, Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing) and George Clooney (O Brother, Where Art Thou?). McDormand is a fantabulous actress without a doubt. She's not as astoundingly impressive as she was in Fargo, but it's easy to see why she's got a career. Clooney's Pfarrer is the most amusing character here by far (I almost peed). He's also clearly a dirt bag for his wife's sake, but is really rather human by the end. Excellently played. Malkovich is really creepy and despicable as Cox. He didn't get any sympathy from me at all. Pitt is dumb, but lovable and takes a respectable break from the heartthrob role.

Burn After Reading does have some unsettling scenes. The overall tone of the movie is amusement and lighthearted mishaps. So, when a couple of graphicly violent shots disrupt that tone, they're all the more disturbing. That doesn't, however, make them negative aspects of the movie. In an industry saturated with explosions, zombie guts and gunfire, it's easy to see violence as commonplace. In this film, however, it has a similar effect as it might in real life. Imagine you're going to retrieve your Sunday morning newspaper from your carefully manicured suburban front lawn. You reach down, carful to keep your robe from opening and look up just in time to see the neighbor hack the paperboy's neck with a hatchet. Blood squirts everywhere and it just ruins your whole day. That's what I mean by disturbing.

I don't think I'll ever be the same after O Brother, Where Art Thou, but I think I can lower my guard just a bit. After two solid flicks (No Country for Old Men included), the Coens are proving they haven't lost their touch (although they do remind me of the guys from Myth Busters). As a fan of the two directors, I highly recommend the film. As your average movie goer, it might not be what you're expecting, but it will be worth the admission price. Go and see it now, or rent it later, but don't let it escape you either way.

Overall Rating: 4 stars
Hottie Rating: 3 stars (for Clooney/Pitt combo)

Alternate Recommendation: Blood Simple
Official Site
IMDB Page
Rolling Stone review - in which Peter Travers tries to force some type of social commentary on the picture.

Iron Man (2008)

Directed by: Jon Favreau
Format: On Demand
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jeff Bridges, Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow
Trailer

Good prospects seem to hit the movie theaters in waves. For a while, the sea of offerings lap dully at the shore of mediocraty. Then, a string of features with enticing trailers swells up and drenches the box offices. Again, the wave dies down and it's back to chick flicks and Will Ferrell comedies. Trouble is, I'm a poor surfer. I either get so wrapped up in the rest of life that I forget to make it to a show or I end up waiting on the same jerk who keeps promising to take me to the theater and never follows through. When I have money, there's nothing playing and when I'm broke the latest Scorsese or Wes Anderson flick comes out. Murphy's Law of movie going? Perhaps. Consider also the fact that I can hardly stand to spend my evening rushing to make a screen time only to be viciously wallet-raped at the ticket counter and then have the best parts ruined by some inconsiderate anus with a cell phone. Sigh. The fact that I missed watching Robert Downey Jr. zip around the big screen in a material representation of a Black Sabbath song is entirely due to the aforementioned jerk and my reluctance to give up on him. When will I learn?

Tony Stark is a millionaire playboy of the Bruce Wayne variety. He also happens to be an engineering genius. The corporation he inherited, Stark Industries, profits by conceptualizing and manufacturing arms. In an interview with a Vouge Magazine reporter (Sure, like Vouge is any kind of reputable news source.), he makes clear his apathetic and cynical views on heading a company that enables soldiers to blow each other up. In Filmland, a comment like that is sure to land you in Just Dessertsville, and so it does.

Stark is headed back from a demonstration of his newest missile, when his Hummer is attacked and its accompanying troops slaughtered. When he regains consiousness, he finds himself in the clutches of Raza (Faran Tahir), leader of some type of desert-dwelling tribesmen bent on destruction (shall we assume Al Quaeda here?). Guess who's weapons the bad guys are armed with? Guess what Raza wants Tony to make? And so, with the aid of fellow captive Yinsen (Shaun Toub), he builds a robotic suit of armor instead. Thus, Iron Man is born. Upon returning to civilization, Tony Stark announces that he's had a change of heart. He says his company will no longer be producing weapons, which of course, sends his business partner, Obadiah Stane (Bridges) into cardiac arrest.

While I've long been aware of the Iron Man comic's existence, I can't claim the ability to judge how the movie adaptation measures up. So, someone more qualified than I will have to chime in (hint, hint). What I can say is that the movie is chock-full of eye candy. Whether it's Downey's bulging (dare I say..."throbbing"?) deltoids (..yummy..) or wicked-bad CGI, Iron Man doesn't disappoint on the asthetic front. The effects are truly top-notch and if the film has no further redeeming qualities, it's almost worth it for this aspect alone.

The acting is pretty solid all around. I've got a serious crush on Robert Downey Jr. (gee, could you tell?) for some mysterious reason. Nonetheless, I wouldn't be afraid to admit if he'd done a lousy job. I think he was a great choice for Iron Man; he's fun to watch. What really impressed me was that the techies who drew up the costume CGI managed to capture the character's body language. Jeff Bridges, however, always makes me suspicious. I'm not sure if that speaks to his acting skills, or typecasting. In this case, my suspicions were justified. I could have sworn that Terrence Howard was the guy from Scrubs (turns out that's Donald Faison), but the guy is a lousy best friend. When Tony calls up his buddy Turk Dr. Christopher Turk (oh, now I see why I was confused) to show him the new toy he's working on, Howard's character just tells him that he needs to rest and think about producing more weapons of mass destruction. Some pal. The film's answer to Bond's Money Penny is Ms. Pepper Potts. Paltrow, as the sultry secretary/love interest, slinks around the screen in a wardrobe that Carrie Bradshaw would be envious of. She doesn't honestly do much, except bitch when Stark gets all ethical on her. But, she sure looks good doing it. It's not Gwyn's fault really; her character was written as an ornament. The only horrible acting was Shaun Toub (the bad guy) who was nearly as terrible as Dominic Purcell in Blade Trinity (or anything else for that matter).

Iron Man was marginally better than I had expected it to be. I've almost had enough of the comic-to-movie genre. But, Downey's performance was great as a jerk turned hero genius scientist and the CGI was eye-popping. I was pleased to see no time wasted on obligitory love scenes or weak comeback lines. The movie isn't, by far, any Oscar winning goldmine here, but it is a solid, entertaining piece of cinema. Go ahead and rent this baby and have yourself a good time. In many ways, Iron Man is what Hancock should have been.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2
Hottie Rating: 3 3/4

Alternate Recommendation: The Maxx
Official Site
IMDB Page
353 Haiku review