Gummi Awards Results: Most Abrupt and/or Confusing Ending

The fifteenth category open to Gummi Award nominations was the one for Most Abrupt and/or Confusing ending. A couple of fantastic films were on the list, making this the most worthwhile category from our perspective. However, out of the three, we didn't find any of them to have a particularly baffling conclusion. American Gangster was solid piece of work by Ridley Scott. Maybe the friendship at the end was unexpected? Gone Baby Gone was also a decent flick. It conjures up some moral dilemma, but isn't remarkably truncated. Maybe what's mind-boggling is that Ben Affleck can actually direct? The only iffy resolution to be found among the three plot lines was the one in Premonition. It's a natural pitfall of stories dealing with time travel or precognition - the paradox. If so-and-so sees the future, does said future become inevitable or flexible? Premonition, even though it's not the best made film ever, wraps itself around the paradox rather well. But, out of the three, we decided that Anastocia's nomination was the most suited to this category. Congrats Anastocia! You win for Premonition!

Gummi Awards Results: Best Geek Sidekick

Now, it's time to announce the winner of the third category of The Gummi Awards - Best Geek Sidekick. The three nominations were True Lies, Van Helsing and National Treasure. While I'd originally imagined Bleeker (played by Michael Cera) from Juno as a pretty good geeky sidekick, I realize now that he didn't exactly qualify. The label "geek", after all, implies some specialized knowledge of electronics or gadgets or, at the very least, specialized knowledge of some subject above and beyond the normal level. I totally [heart] geeky guys!! To my great joy, someone out there found a fantastic example of geekery in Justin Bartha's portrayal of geek sidekick Riley Poole in National Treasure. That someone, and winner of the large bag prize, is Thanh! Thanks for giving me a new boyfriend (if only in my perverted fantasies).

Gummi Awards Results: Dumbest Blonde

The fourth category in The Gummi Awards is for the Dumbest Blonde in a film. Now, despite all the platinum in Hollywood, this category ended up with no more than two nominations. This award wasn't waiting around for a pre-concieved winner to appear either. So, no large bag prize was waiting in the wings this time. It's interesting that the woman nominated as the dumbest blonde in Best In Show (Jennifer Coolidge) also plays a supporting role in the other nomination, Legally Blonde. Although the seemingly obvious choice for this category would be the latter, we have to realize that Reese Witherspoon's character gets into Harvard law school completely under her own steam. She doesn't have her rich daddy buy her way in, she doesn't offer up a B.J. to the dean and she doesn't fake her credentials. Considering that gaining admission to said institution isn't something most women accomplish (blonde or otherwise), we can hardly consider Elle Wood "dumb". So, the winner in this category is Carrie for Best in Show (even though there's an even dumber blonde than Coolidge in the movie)!

Gummi Awards Results: Most Creative Ending Credit Sequence

I always appreciate when movie makers take into consideration how boring the average individual finds the white-on-black scroll of the ending credits. Instead, it too can be used as another creative outlet, adding a special element to leave the audience with as they saunter out of the theater. Jackie Chan, for example, uses the end credits as a chance to show his famous outtakes. When creating this category, I did have one specific film in mind. By far, the most thoroughly entertaining end credits I've seen come at the conclusion of A Series of Unfortunate Events, animated by Jamie Caliri. Given the choice between the two nominees (Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Monsters, Inc.), however, the hands-down winner is Kris with Monsters, Inc. (watch)! Congrats Kris!

Gummi Award Results: Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence

Skipping to number fourteen, there were two and only two nominations for Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence - This category wasn't one that I'd previously held a favorite for. It was suggested by a friend of mine and, considering how awkward I usually find musical numbers, I thought it would be an excellent category. Out of the two, I have to choose the one that was most out of place - Richard's selection; Almost Famous. While I loathed the majority of the singing in Sweeney Todd, it was expected to hear everyone break out in song.

Gummi Award Results: Most Accurate Book-To-Movie Adaptation

Half of the winners have been announced so far and Christmas is creeping ever closer. The thirteenth in the series of Gummi Awards will go to the movie with the Most Accurate Book-To-Movie Adaptation. This category required GP not only to view movies, but also to read the written works they were based on. Thank God nobody nominated Crime and Punishment!! There have to be hundreds of movies based on books or short stories. Only three of them made their way to this category's nomination list. The nominees were:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas
The Mist
Perfume

There was the possibility, this time, of winning a large bag prize and if anyone had guessed Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, they would have won it. Terry Gilliam did such a wonderful job of translating Hunter S. Thompson's book for the screen that it's possible to read along with the film! Dialog is word-for-word. However, Patrick Suskind wrote a novel about a man who's olfactory sense was much more acute than his sense of compassion; his sense of humanity. Tom Tykwer had the task of creating a visual sense of smell. Not an easy task, to be sure. The director pulls off this feat, however, and made a very clever film out of Perfume. So, it's Carrie as the winner of the medium bag prize for her nomination. Congrats Carrie!!

Gummi Award Results: Most Crazy-Cool Carpet Design

Now for Gummi Award number 10, for the Most Crazy-Cool Carpet Design! We were beginning to get nervous, thinking that nobody else notices the carpets in movies. Are we strange? There was absolutely, definitely a certain film flooring in mind when this category was created. Did anyone guess? The nominees were:

Beetle Juice
The Devil's Advocate
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Shining

The movie that we were thinking of was....(drum roll)......Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas!! When you're tripping hard in the City of Sin, geometric squiggly patterns are horribly distracting. So, there was no large bag winner this round. However, there is a winner for the medium bag and that winner is.......Michelle for The Shining!! Congrats!!!

Gummi Award Results: Best Scene Involving Food

Number eight in The Gummi Awards, the category for Best Scene Involving Food, garnered only two nominations. Perhaps having human flesh removed from the menu ruined everyone's appetite for competition? There are a number of fantastic films that involve eating and many that focus entirely on the subject, such as Tampopo, Like Water for Chocolate and Ratatouille. Then there are A Christmas Story, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and American Pie that have memorable edibles. However, choosing between the two nominees, I must lean to the more visually appealing of the two films and choose Carrie's nomination - Pan's Labyrinth (a.k.a. El Laberinto del fauno)- for the medium bag prize.

Gummi Award Results: Most Awkward Moment

Category number seven of The Gummi Awards was the movie with the Most Awkward Moment. This one was originally intended to glorify the film with the most uncomfortable scene for the characters, rather than the viewer. However, upon closer inspection of the posted description, it appears that intention isn't immediately clear. Our bad. Here's what made our readers squirm:

History of Violence
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Slums of Beverly Hills

Personally, I find "69" to be horribly uncomfortable, but my personal life isn't the issue here! The medium bag prize for the best nomination in the Most Awkward Moment category goes to Michelle for Slums of Beverly Hills!! Yay Michelle!!! There's hardly a moment more embarrassing than being surprised by your dad while dancing to Give Up the Funk and swinging a giant vibrator around.

Gummi Award Results: Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles

The sixth pit stop in a race around the world was...oops....I mean the sixth category in the 2008 Gummi Awards was Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles. The five nominees in this oh-so-fun-to-judge category were:

Two for the Money
300
Top Gun
Thelma & Louise
Into the Blue

I have to nod my head at all of the nominees. All had acceptable tummy action. However, when considering drool-factor and the sheer number of glistening abs on display, one stands above all others. The winner of the medium bag prize is Rochelle with 300!

Gummi Award Results: Best Use of Dialog In a Single Scene

The fifth category (yes, I realize this isn't in order) of The 2008 Gummi Awards was Best Use of Dialog in a Single Scene. This was the only category that closed early, mainly because of the great turnout when it came to nominations. Best Dialog was definitely the most popular category. There were so many fantastic nominations, but none of them hit the mark for my personal favorite. For exceptional character banter, I would have accepted any Quentin Tarantino film for the large bag prize. The man has a way with words. As it was though, I had a very difficult time picking out a single deserving winner. The monologues from The Libertine and V for Vendetta were well crafted. I especially enjoyed the scene in V when the main character introduced himself, using virtually every V word in the dictionary. There was one nomination, however, that holds a special place in my heart (and is truly a dialog). For the medium bag prize in this category, the winner is Carrie with The Princess Bride!

Congrats Carrie!!

Gummi Award Results: Most Nauseating Vomit Scene

Today's prize will be awarded to the individual who made the best nomination in the Most Nauseating Vomit Scene category. Just two nominations made their way to Gummi Popcorn for this one. Beerfest, sadly, was disqualified because there was no vomit scene to be found in the actual film. GP could find nothing nauseating in the special features either. None of the readers out there managed to guess the film we had in mind when creating this category. Curious? The Most Nauseating Vomit Scene that we recall ever seeing is the endless pool of puppet barf in Team America: World Police. (are you slapping your foreheads now?) Watch, if you dare. So the winner of the medium bag prize by default (not that it wasn't a good suggestion anyway) is Michelle with The Exorcist!

Gummi Award Results: Most Overrated Leading Actor

Finally, the results are in! We've decided to release the answers "advent-calendar style" and announce one category each day until Christmas. It's our way of saying, "Happy Holidays" or maybe just our way of slow torture. Regardless, today's category is Most Overrated Leading Actor. The nominees were:

Tom Cruise
Russell Crowe
George Clooney

Amazingly, out of all of the leading men out there, only three names made their way to GP. The shocker is that someone managed to guess who it was that I had in mind when I invented this category!!! The winner of the large bag prize for this category is.....Thanh with Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise is unappealing, arrogant, short and a Scientologist (not to mention lacking skillz)!! I'd be more than happy if he never made another film. And by way of illustration, here's an MSN article about our loser...ooops, I meant winner.

Make sure to check in tomorrow to discover our next winner!

Casino Royale (2006)

Directed by: Martin Campbell
Format: On Demand
Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Judy Dench, Giancarlo Giannini
trailer

I used to adore 007. The first six Connery movies have always been my favorites, but I imagine that I've seen the Roger Moore films several times over as well. When GoldenEye, with Pierce Brosnan, was released, I was excited for the genre to continue. However, I quickly grew tired of the franchise after that. The formula had gotten stale and I just wasn't enough of a die-hard Bond fan to stick around. So, I let Die Another Day, The World is Not Enough and Tomorrow Never Dies slip by practically unnoticed. (In fact, I still haven't seen those three.) I also admit to never having read anything by Ian Fleming, the novelist who created the character. So, although I've seen the majority of James Bond films, I can't hardly call myself a dyed-in-the-wool "fan". A new friend of mine, however, is and convinced me to give Daniel Craig a shot in the famous role.

If the movies had been made in the same order as the books, Casino Royale would have been the first. When the film opens, Bond doesn't even have his "double-O" status yet. When he gets it, he doesn't waste any time following rules. His first mission ends in a dead bomb maker and an explosion that sends an embassy in Uganda up in flames. Then, 007 proceeds to break into M's house, which doesn't make her terribly happy either. But, she seems more concerned about the fact that the bomb maker they were hoping would lead to a major arms dealer is now dead. James isn't flustered. He picks up on the trail again in The Bahamas and eventually follows it to a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro. His goal there will be to beat international terrorism's favorite banker, Le Chiffre, in a game of Texas Hold 'Em. If he loses, Le Chiffre gets away and the British government will have made a 10 million dollar donation to terror.

Casino Royale is set apart from all other Bond movies. Not only has the lead actor changed, but several previously common elements are missing. There are no flirtatious exchanges with Money Penney, for example. She's not even in the film. Also absent is the character Q and his gadgets. Bond's car had a very useful glove box, but there's no fancy introduction and no John Cleese. Both are ingredients I'd always enjoyed before, but was willing to let go - however reluctantly - in favor of fresh footage. Also noticeable is the greatly reduced presence of cheesy one-liners and sexual innuendo. A fond farewell to that!

What isn't missing in this newer film is action. If possible, it's even more amped up than before. One of the very first scenes involved Bond chasing a man through a construction site. I had to pause and re-watch it just to make sure I didn't miss anything. The stunts are fantastic and there's hardly any time at all to catch one's breath. It's almost super-human the way Marvin Campbell (stunt double for Sebastian Foucan) bounces around the set. Mad props to the stunt team! Another staple of the genre, namely beautiful women with unusual names, has also held its ground. This time, however, Bond uncharacteristically falls for one of them.

So, how is Daniel Craig as the new Bond? While I've never really found Craig to be an attractive man, I have to admit that he's got a marble figure in Casino Royale. He's a rougher version of the character; hard core and not afraid to get dirty. At the same time, he also manages the suave side of Bond quite convincingly. The gritty edge that Craig lends to the role is very appealing and refreshing. I was not disappointed. While Sean Connery will always have a special place in my heart, I have to call Craig a close second. James' love interest this time is Vesper Lynd, an accountant played by Eva Green. Green is a more elegant, intelligent "Bond-girl" than most and is strikingly lovely sans makeup. A witty match for Bond, I nonetheless never felt she was entirely trustworthy. The asthma afflicted, bloody-eyed La Chiffre owes his excellent portrayal to chisel-jawed Mads Mikkelsen. While not as dramatically intense as many previous villains, La Chiffre makes up for it in cold, calculating insanity. While the character himself could have used a few more examples of evilness (probably not a a real word), Mikkelsen made my skin crawl.

I whole-heartedly recommend this version (yes, there are others) of Casino Royale to anyone who's become jaded when it comes to movies about British agents with a license to kill. The opening credits kick some serious ass as well, accompanied by Chris Cornell's "You Know My Name". I enjoyed this film so much that I watched it again immediately after the first time. I just hate that Bond's signature card game - Baccarat - is eliminated in favor of Texas Hold 'Em; a game that's a little too "redneck" for my taste. It looks like I'm going to have to see Quantum of Solace now - despite the awful title - since it's the conclusion to this movie. That's right, Casino Royale is also the first 007 two-parter.

Overall Rating: 4 stars
Hottie Rating: 4 stars (Holy chiseled bod, Batman!)

Alternate Recommendation: Dr. No
Official Site
IMDB Page
A Nutshell Review review

Christmas Evil (1980)

a.k.a. You Better Watch Out
Directed by: Lewis Jackson
Format: On Demand
Starring: Brandon Maggart, Jeffrey DeMunn, Peter Neuman, Joe Jamrog
clip

Christmas is such a major event, celebrated internationally, that it's no surprise the holiday has developed its own sub-genre in the film world. Most of us are familiar with the seasonal classics, like A Christmas Story and It's a Wonderful Life. Those titles were made for the holiday and, like pumpkin pie, are usually enjoyed only once a year. There is an abundance of Christmas comedies, possibly because the time of year is so closely associated with cheer and joy. Bad Santa, Fred Claus and the upcoming Four Christmases immediately spring to mind. Christmas drama also abounds with titles like A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street and The Nativity Story. However, there is a lesser-known category; the Christmas horror. Being a person who tends to lean toward the darker side of everything anyway, my two current holiday favorites are The Nightmare Before Christmas (big surprise there) and Gremlins (it is to a Christmas movie!). That being said, it surprises me that I haven't seen much more of what the industry has to offer in the way of sugarplum nightmares. Last night, in an attempt to rectify this deficiency, I took a chance on Christmas Evil.

When Harry Stadling was a child, he witnessed his mom and Santa having a little "naughty time" under the Christmas tree. For some reason, it scarred the boy, causing him to be obsessed with the holiday. The middle-aged Harry sleeps in a Santa suit, hums holiday tunes and even works at a toy factory. He spends his off-time spying on the neighborhood children and logging their activities in his volumes of "naughty and nice" records. Not surprisingly, Harry isn't a popular kind of guy. People at work take advantage of him and he's increasingly irritated at the world for failing to grasp the true spirit of his favorite holiday. This year, he's finally had enough. He decides to don a white beard, paint a sleigh on his van and distribute some justice.

Brandon Maggart plays the older, disturbed main character and it's hard to say whether or not he's really a bad guy. Sure, he's a murderer and a weirdo, but as the filmmakers are fond of pointing out, maybe what society really needs is the fear of Santa to remind them to behave. Besides, kids seem to love the guy. I still wouldn't want to sit on his lap. Considering that Christmas Evil is practically a one-man show, Maggart carries it pretty well. He succeeds in being supremely creepy but not entirely loathsome. Harry's older brother Philip is really terrible. He's terrible because his character is such a jerk and terrible because Jeffrey DeMunn does such a poor job in the role. Philip is even less likable than the villain.

There isn't enough room here to describe all of the aspects of this movie that make no sense at all. The most puzzling of which, being why Harry's childhood peeping caused him to become a crazy, red-suited killer. I suspect there's a possible Oedipus Complex happening here, but that's a little bit of a stretch. In one odd scene, Harry has crept into the bushes surrounding one naughty child's house. He covers his face and hands in black mud and presses them up against the siding, leaving imprints. Later, the camera pans back to those same black marks, but why? Is it just so that we all know who's house we're looking at? Sorry Jackson, but you lost me here. In another bizarre moment, the young Harry, Philip and their mother are watching Harry's father climb down the chimney and stuff stockings. The three observers are sitting silently on the staircase, cast in strange lighting and not speaking. Was this supposed to be scary?

The entire 100 minutes of Christmas Evil is just uncomfortable; like being molested by a dirty old uncle. There's something totally creepy and uneasy about the whole situation. Nevermind that the movie is obviously low-budget (which isn't always a bad thing) and the plot and acting are weak. The lighting is wacky and the sets and wardrobe stink of moldy 70's stylings. Most of the story is unexplained and what little gore there is lacks inspiration. It's hard to tell whether the audience is meant to hate the main character or root for him or whether any part of this movie should be taken seriously. The only way I'd consent to watching Christmas Evil again is if it was part of an MST3K episode. Not a good result of my first foray into the Christmas horror sub-genre.

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 0 stars

Alternate Recommendation: Gremlins
Official Site (the best I could do)
IMDB Page
DVD In My Pants review

Into the Blue (2005)

Directed by: John Stockwell
Format: DVD
DVD Features: trailers, commentary, screen tests, deleted scenes, star interviews
Starring: Jessica Alba, Paul Walker, Scott Caan, Ashley Scott, Josh Brolin
extra long trailer

***This movie has been nominated for a Gummi Award in the Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles category.**

Ah, the ocean. The wide open sea. The boundless horizon of waves and adventure. The bounty of life teeming just below its surface...The myriad of terrifying ways to die...the lack of oxygen...the raging storms..the minuscule jellyfish that can cause days of incredible pain... Yeah, the ocean? Not so much fun for me. The ocean is something that demands respect and if you forget that for a moment, that's the moment she kills you. Nothing short of a bottle full of Valium and a million dollars will ever get me on a boat. While I'm content to view its amazing glory from shore and play cautiously in the surf, there are millions of people who make their living on ships.

In fact, the heroes of Into the Blue hardly spend a moment on dry land. Jared is a diver and amateur treasure hunter who dreams of the big score. His girlfriend, Sam, studies sharks (or maybe just works at Sea World) and is perfectly content with the humble life they lead. Enter Jared's buddy and cocky young lawyer, Bryce. Bryce has his newly acquired young whor..I mean "girlfriend" in tow and the pair have flown in to vacation in the Bahamas. The four borrow a yacht from one of Bryce's clients and go out for a dive. While poking around in the sand, Jared and Sam find some clues that could lead them to a major discovery. The trouble is, the group also finds an airplane wreck and it's full of cocaine. Trying to keep the buried treasure to themselves until they can acquire the equipment to dig it up and stake their claim could be difficult. Nobody looses a cargo plane full of blow and neglects to go looking for it.

So, naturally the plot here leaves much to be desired. Poor Jared is so down and out that he can't afford a ship of his own or any treasure hunting equipment. However, I wonder where this twenty-something guy got the dough to be living in the Bahamas in the first place. Plus, he's dating Jessica Alba so it's a little hard to feel sorry for him. His former boss and gold seeking rival, played by Josh Brolin, appears whenever it's important to egg on the main characters, but is he really making money digging up sunken artifacts? I realize that The Bahamas are just a small group of islands, but I didn't realize that it's the kind of place where everybody knows everybody else. In Into the Blue, the whole scenario wraps up as neatly as a Guy Ritchie flick, but without all the style and class. Awfully convenient but terribly uninspired.

The acting is tolerable on the part of Alba and Paul Walker (who plays Jared), but everyone else, including Brolin, sink to the watery depths of forgetful performances. There are only two real reasons why this movie was made. Reason one: to show off Jessica Alba's nearly naked body. The girl is undeniably hot, but in this film, she's almost skeletal. As a vegetarian, I never thought I'd say this, but girlfriend needs a Big Mac. Besides, how many shots of her ass can they fit into one movie anyway? The second reason, and the only thing that redeems this crappy movie, is the beautiful underwater cinematography. It far outshines any other aspect of this movie. If only they could cut out the scenes of the mediocre gangsters, snore-inducing plot and empty air tank gauges and just show the spectacular fish and crystal blue heaven, I might actually be willing to watch Into the Blue a second time.

The verdict? This movie sucks and not just because I'm a confirmed landlubber. Hell, Jaws, The Abyss and Pirates of the Caribbean all get the "thumbs up" from yours truly (I guess you don't have to wait for those reviews). I was all prepared to nod approvingly at the movie's fair depiction of sharks too, and then Mr. Seven Rows of Teeth took a chunk out of someone. Sigh. This was one of those movies that I saw the trailer for and thought, "Not gonna see that one". But then someone (thank you Kris) had to go and nominate it for a Gummi Award!

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 2 stars

Alternate Recommendation: The Abyss
Official Site
IMDB Page
The Village Voice review

Links: Swagology

While seeking inspiration and curious about movie promo items, we wandered the webs and stumbled upon this little gem. It's The Onion A.V. Club's article featuring some of the swag the team has received from various studios. Highly amusing and head-tilt inducing.

Horror-thon 2008

Success!! GP survived 8 unending hours of pure horror yesterday, in preparation for this most phantasmic of holidays. Below are 10 mini-reviews (in no particular order), cooked up for your viewing pleasure. Hold on to your pointy hats.....!

1. 2001 Maniacs (2005)- Dir. by Tim Sullivan. Star. Robert Englund.

2001 Maniacs is the tale of a crew of three college boys off to Daytona Beach for Spring Break. Instead, an unexpected detour takes them to a place called Pleasant Valley. While it's not as far South as Florida, the place is certainly "deep South". Englund plays the town mayor, who sports a Confederate Flag eye patch and a hokey twang. The townsfolk are amazingly generous, but more than a little bit creepy. Excitement for the big feast abounds, but fewer and fewer outsiders seem to be likely to make it to the event...alive anyway. Aside from the fact that the title may have just as well have been 2001 Boob Shots, 2001 Maniacs was highly amusing. The movie shares many intentional similarities to Cabin Fever. So, if you enjoyed watching that one, you'll love this movie. This movie doesn't take itself seriously for a second and that's part of what makes it so much fun. I still don't think Englund would have a career if it wasn't for Freddy Kreuger.

3 stars. trailer

2. Halloween (2007) - Dir. by Rob Zombie. Star. Malcolm McDowell

So many people have told me that they were disappointed with Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween that I was prepared to be disappointed. After finally seeing the film, I would consider it less of a "remake" than an "homage". Zombie has always made it abundantly clear, even prior to his directorial debut, that he is a fan of the genre. He pays a great deal of respect to the original work. The first half of the movie is the background story of how Michael Myers came to be the psychopathic killer he is known as. The second half is a rehash (or an update) of the events in the original film. I found myself completely satisfied with the Rob Zombie version. It shed much light into the main character while respecting John Carpenter's vision.

4 stars. trailer

3. Vampire Diary (2007) - Dir. by Mark James & Phil O'Shea. Star. Anna Walton

Vampire Diary is a film out of the UK. It begins as the story of documentary filmmaker, Holly, who is busy following a group of so-called "vampires" about. This group of club-kids are truly nothing more than pretenders, dancing around in black eyeliner and latex. It's while she's filming them, however, that she meets a mysterious woman named Vicki. Vicki is a completely different breed. The second part of this story covers the somewhat tragic lesbian relationship between Holly and Vicki. Vampire Diary has a very amateur feel that gives the film a gritty edge and a distinctly UK underground flavor. It has a tendency to drag a bit in the middle and it is certainly not typical of vampire movies. The best part is really watching Anna Walton.

2 1/2 stars. trailer

4. The Happening (2008) - Dir. by M. Night Shyamalan. Star. Mark Wahlberg

The latest from M. Night Shyamalan seems to have gotten just as bad of a rap as The Village did. Call me biased, but I don't think this director has yet to make a "bad" movie. In The Happening, a mysterious event has spread throughout the East Coast, causing people to commit suicide en masse. School Science teacher Elliot Moore, his wife and their friend learn that the airborn toxin is wafting to Philadelphia and decide to join the exodus out of town. I thought the storyline for The Happening was an inspired one; very original. There were some extremely disturbing scenes, most memorable of them being at the construction site. However, the movie suffers from one major flaw. It's name is Mark Wahlberg. While I appreciate the man's acting for the most part, he was awful in The Happening. A cardboard cutout of the actor would have done just as well and had to have been paid far less.

3 stars. trailer

5. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) - Dir. by Tim Burton. Star. Johnny Depp

When I heard that Burton was going to give the classic story of Sweeney Todd his special treatment, I was ecstatic. When I learned that it was going to be a musical, I was less enthusiastic. When I actually heard Depp and Bonham Carter sing, I was nauseated. The costume and sets in this movie are the most gloriously theatrical since Pee Wee's Big Adventure. There is good deal of blood spraying and gushing about, but it all looks (intentionally, I suspect) rather fake. The plot is truly deserving of the "classic" badge of honor, by the way, and would seem to lend itself well to a director who dabbles in the dark and delightful. Wonderfully stylistic, as Burton tends to be, but marred significantly by the lead actors' serious lack of any vocal skill whatsoever.

2 stars. trailer


6. Invasion (2007) - Dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel. Star. Nicole Kidman

This story has had many incarnations, from the original, black and white, 1956 version to the 1993 stingray creature version. It hasn't gotten any less creepy. My personal favorite was the 1978 Donal Sutherland version. Regardless, the concept that those around us might all someday turn against us is inherently sinister. Kidman and Daniel Craig struggle through this latest version, trying to remain unturned. The story is basically the same as in past renditions. The two stars are convincing and do their roles proud. I think Invasion is now my second favorite telling of the Body Snatchers story.

3 stars. trailer

7. Quaranine (2008) - Dir. John Erick Dowdle. Star. Jennifer Carpenter

Initial trailers for this film had me saying, "That looks like the dumbest movie ever." But, since it was the only horror film playing at my neighborhood theater on the dark and stormy night that I insisted on driving that extra mile down the highway, I ended up seeing Quarantine anyway. It just goes to show how deceiving trailers can be. The entire film is shot through a hand-held videocam, exactly like Blair Witch was. So, until the 20 minutes that it takes to get used to the unsteady picture passes, you may be a little motion sick. While it is, on the one hand, sometimes frustrating to have the audience's vision restricted to the perspective of one character in the film, on the other, the restriction heightens the sensation that someone may be creeping up behind. The story is interesting and takes advantage of paranoia as its main scare tactic. A pleasant surprise and the only one of these 10 films that actually frightened me at all.

3 stars. trailer

8. The Reaping (2007) - Dir. Stephen Hopkins. Star. Hillary Swank

The Reaping centers around a college professor, who travels the world in order to disprove so-called miracles. Because of her reputation, the town of Haven sends a school teacher to meet her and request her aid with one of their own mysteries. It seems that the town's entire river has turned to blood. It seems also, that if Katherine doesn't agree to help, a young girl's life may be in danger. As she sets about applying her scientific methods to explain the phenomenon, the town is visited by a series of biblical plagues and it becomes harder for Katherine to deny a supernatural cause. The Reaping was not disappointing, mainly because I didn't think it would be any good in the first place. The "twist" ending is trite and predictable. The acting is mediocre. One thing I was grateful for was the absence of focus on the apparently tempting topic of a black man in the South.

3 stars. trailer

9. Shiver (2008) a.k.a. Eskalofrio - Dir. Isidro Ortiz. Star. Julio Valverde

Shiver comes to America from the same people who brought us The Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth. It's the tale of a young man with an allergy to sunlight and his single mother. To avoid the bullying and health issues of living in the city, the pair move to a town in a shady valley. When villagers begin to die, their blood sucked from their bodies, guess who's the main suspect? I detest the American name for this film, but that's just about the only thing I found objectionable about it.

3 1/2 stars. trailer

10. The Number 23 - Dir. Joel Schumacher. Star. Jim Carrey

While I am not a fan of Carrey's brand of comedy, I do enjoy him in dramatic roles. In The Number 23, he plays a dog catcher who is, while bored at work, happily married with a son. On his birthday, his wife gives him a small-press paperback that cause him to correlate everything to the number 23. Save yourself the trouble and rent Pi instead.

2 1/2 stars. trailer

Update: Halloween Plans

GP had planned a nice, relaxing vacation down to our beloved Austin, Texas for the holiday weekend. However, due to unforseen and tragic circumstances, we had to cancel our trip (Luckily, we won't miss out on any party action for our most favored holiday). What that means for you is, we have the opportunity to present a special event.

Last year, Gummi Popcorn posted a list of our favorite 10 Horror recommendations. This year, we will begin monster movie maddness (starting immediately after this is posted) which will last for eight grueling hours. At the end of it, GP will post 10 (count 'em) mini reviews. Each one will be a movie never before reviewed at GP and each will be even more terrible than the last!! (OooooOOOOooooh!). To keep up our strength, we have fortified our castle with Bloody Mary's and salted nuts. Will we survive so many straight hours of Hell??

Wait and see.....

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Format: DVD
DVD Features: commentary, deleted scenes, trailer, featurette
Starring: Taylor Handley, Jordana Brewster, Diora Baird, Matthew Bomer, R. Lee Ermey
trailer

Anyone who's ever taken a cross-country road trip, especially through Texas, knows that the way is polka-dotted with tiny little towns. Some of them are no larger than a gas station and a motel. Those towns have always creeped me out. I've walked into a roadside Dairy Queen and had a room full of backwoods eyes follow me up to the counter. Once, I stopped my car on the side of the highway just to poke my head out and look at the stars. It was mighty fast before flashes of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre made me poke my head back in. If I was the only person who got chills from inbred, tobacca chewers, we wouldn't have movies like The Hills Have Eyes, The Devil's Rejects or 2001 Maniacs. We most certainly would not have this prequel to a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

In The Beginning, two brothers are on their way to enlist in the military and ship off to Vietnam. The eldest, Eric (Bomer), is marching off proudly to his second tour. What he doesn't know is that his brother Dean (Handley) is planning to detour to Mexico to dodge the draft. The pair are just beginning to hash out the issue when they and their girlfriends are run off the road. Sheriff Hoyt arrives on the scene and takes the two boys and Dean's girl Bailey (Baird) into custody. Instead of taking the group down to the stationhouse, they end up at the home of the Hewitts. Hoyt is actually head of the household, all dressed up like a lawman. The family is the last left in town after the slaughterhouse closed and drove most of the residents out. While Dean, Eric and Bailey suffer the Hewitts' demented sense of hospitality, Eric's girlfriend Chrissie catches up to them and attempts a daring rescue.

Generally, it's not in one's best interest to expect good acting in a horror film. Disappointment almost assuredly follows. (The only exeption to that rule might be a Hitchcock film.) That said, it was surprising to find the acting in TCM: The Beginning well above par. Taking center stage is R. Lee Ermey who plays Sheriff Hoyt/Mr. Hewitt. He's completely convicing as the disgusting, disturbed and dispicable head of a household of cannibals. If I ever met the actor, I'd have a really hard time turning my back toward him. The best out of the four kids in the movie is Handley, as Dean. Not only is he cute with his boyish blonde curls, but
his character has surprising strength. The rest of the cast is marginal. Andrew Bryniarski is the actor behind the leather face, but little more is required of him than a bit of lumbering about.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is advertised as the answer to everything you ever wanted to know about Leatherface. Even the filmmakers, when trying to explain themselves in the special features, don't lend very convincing support to the prequel claim. In reality, the only segment that gives any background to the legendary murderer's past is the brief series of scenes that backdrop the opening credits. Apparently, after the 2003 remake of TCM was released, the producers of the movie were innundated with questions from fans. It seems as though they took those questions, invented answers to them on the fly, and strung the rest of the movie together to fill in the gaps. The Beginning ends up being, in essence, TCM: The Remake Part 2; yet another retelling of the same scenario.

The movie is, however, quite gorey and with me, a little gore goes a long way. Every drop of blood was very realistic and all of the major components are covered. TCM: The Beginning satisfies the blood splatter, juicy organs, dismembered digits and gapeing body cavity cravings of a jaded horror fanatic. Want to see someone impaled on a rusty chainsaw? You'll get two. Want to see someone get their face peeled off? No problem. There was even one scene that turned my stomach a little and that's saying something. Full marks for gore gratification! (Honestly, don't let the kids watch this one.)

Although the story is getting tired at this point, it must be difficult to follow up one of the best horror movies ever made. Maybe it's the source material or maybe it's the "based on a true story" level of reality, but TCM: The Beginning does much better than your average fright fest. While it's not as fun as a movie like Cabin Fever, it is a bit traumatic. After watching it, you'll feel like you've been through something terrible.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2
Hottie Rating: 2

Alternate Recommendation: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Official Site
IMDB Page
Dr. Gore's review

News: GP the Candy

I was in the drugstore on my lunch break today, looking for those Halloween candy pumpkins I adore, when lo and behold:



Gummy Popcorn candy!! I knew it was a matter of time before someone stole my idea (despite the spelling difference)! Naturally, I had to pick up a box to check out the situation. I was unhappy to discover that, while the box is kinda neat, and the idea is fantastic, the execution is disgusting. The "Gummy" candies are sort of marshmallowey, like the white part of those gummy frogs (or strawberries or sharks). They're coated in sugar/sour granules. However, they don't have any identifiable flavor. They don't really taste like popcorn, or any kind of fruit. They sort of taste like something you'd find under the sink, but sour. Eww. Regardless, winners of The Gummi Awards might find a box of these in their prize pack.

Update: Last Call for Nominations

Well everyone, it seems that the Gummi Awards has gone on long enough. We were holding out, hoping to get a few more nominations in before closing the doors. However, those categories are starting to look a little moldy and stale up there on the left. In order to be fair to those readers who did submit their nominations, we will officially close the contest down at the end of the month, on Halloween (October 31st). Last chance to let us know what you'd like to see win a Gummi Award and last chance to win some prizes for yourself! Categories will close regardless of whether or not there have been nominations. Here's what we still need to see:

Most Nauseating Vomit Scene - c'mon people, you're missing such an obvious one here! So far we've only got one nomination. Are you going to let that person win? Well, are you?! The one we're thinking of is a comedy...

Most Awkward Moment - aren't there any movies out there where mom walks in on her son "choking the chicken" or someone catches their junk in a zipper?? I know I've seen one or two of those....

Most Inappropriate Musical Sequence - there are more nominations in the Crazy Cool Carpet Design category than there are for this one. Seriously.

Tell your friends, pester your spouses and if you just can't think of anything go online! The clock is ticking (tick, tick, tick)...

Know Your Director: Introduction

It is a travesty that the directors of film often get less credit than the cast does. The public seems to identify a movie much more by the faces in front of the camera than the crew behind it. In trailers, movies will often proclaim, “From the director of …” instead of just mentioning a person’s name. Understandably, actors and actresses get more recognition because they’re so much more visible. It’s somewhat like looking at a sculpture and admiring the quality of the bronze while ignoring the artist who formed it.

At GP, we feel that it’s really the director who can make or break a film and that the best actors in the world often flounder under poor direction. As an illustration, consider the movie Mad Dog and Glory. The film stars three actors with a proven track record of excellence on screen; Robert DeNiro, Uma Thurman and Bill Murray. So, one might reasonably imagine that Mad Dog and Glory might be a good film. It wasn’t (no need to wait for that review). It sucked. Badly. So, why was DeNiro great in The Good Shepherd, Thurman fantastic in Pulp Fiction, and Murray hilarious in Rushmore, but not in this movie? Answer: direction. Mad Dog and Glory was directed by John McNaughton whose body of work consists largely of television episodes. Nothing can ruin the performance of three skilled actors like poor directing.

With that said, GP would like to introduce a new feature dedicated to the most talented, creative and exceptional people in the director’s chair. Know Your Director will profile a specific man or woman each time, focusing on the aspects that make their films stand out. Each one has a certain style that defines their work, favorite cast members and familiar titles. So, next time you’re seeking a new experience at the theater (or the rental store, or the On Demand menu) Know Your Director may be a good place to start.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Directed by: Ethan & Joel Coen
Format: Theater
Starring: Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand
Trailer

There are certain directors who can always get me to fill a seat in the theater. The Coens are two of them. Although I've been burned before by the dynamic duo, I will allow that everyone makes mistakes and they haven't illed so much as to cancel themselves from my list of favorites. Burn After Reading was certainly on my list of "what to see" as soon as I saw the trailer. So, when someone offered to take me to a film Friday night, I immediately knew which one I wanted to go to. Knowing that my movie companion was a little on the conservative side (I don't mean politically), I took the chance that she'd appreciate something a little offbeat, but also oddly amusing. At least, that's what I was hoping for...

Burn After Reading is billed as a "spy comedy", but I wouldn't really classify it that way (Get Smart fits the description more). The whole thing begins with Linda Litzke (McDormand) who is a single woman desperate to feel attractive. To do so, she believes, will take a series of expensive operations. Since her insurance refuses her coverage, she is forced to seek other means of financing her endeavors. When her coworkers at the local gym discover a CD loaded with suspicious documents, she sees her chance at making a little cash. The man that she and gym-mate Chad (Pitt) make a clumsy attempt to blackmail is indeed former CIA agent, Osbourne Cox (Malkovich). The reason he's "former" is because he's got some booze-related problems and his wife, Katie (Swinton) is preparing to divorce him for attractive Treasury agent Harry Pfarrer. Pfarrer, despite the fact that he loves his wife, is an habitual cheater. Not only is he sneaking around with Cox's wife, he also manages to get into Litzke's undergarments. As if that isn't confusing enough, add in the rest of the CIA, the Russians, a few divorce attorneys and an unrequited love. Oy.

I've noticed that many great directors, the Coens included of course, choose to work with the same actors on a regular basis. It almost seems like a group of friends making movies for their own entertainment. Among the Coens regulars are Francis McDormand (Fargo, Blood Simple, Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing) and George Clooney (O Brother, Where Art Thou?). McDormand is a fantabulous actress without a doubt. She's not as astoundingly impressive as she was in Fargo, but it's easy to see why she's got a career. Clooney's Pfarrer is the most amusing character here by far (I almost peed). He's also clearly a dirt bag for his wife's sake, but is really rather human by the end. Excellently played. Malkovich is really creepy and despicable as Cox. He didn't get any sympathy from me at all. Pitt is dumb, but lovable and takes a respectable break from the heartthrob role.

Burn After Reading does have some unsettling scenes. The overall tone of the movie is amusement and lighthearted mishaps. So, when a couple of graphicly violent shots disrupt that tone, they're all the more disturbing. That doesn't, however, make them negative aspects of the movie. In an industry saturated with explosions, zombie guts and gunfire, it's easy to see violence as commonplace. In this film, however, it has a similar effect as it might in real life. Imagine you're going to retrieve your Sunday morning newspaper from your carefully manicured suburban front lawn. You reach down, carful to keep your robe from opening and look up just in time to see the neighbor hack the paperboy's neck with a hatchet. Blood squirts everywhere and it just ruins your whole day. That's what I mean by disturbing.

I don't think I'll ever be the same after O Brother, Where Art Thou, but I think I can lower my guard just a bit. After two solid flicks (No Country for Old Men included), the Coens are proving they haven't lost their touch (although they do remind me of the guys from Myth Busters). As a fan of the two directors, I highly recommend the film. As your average movie goer, it might not be what you're expecting, but it will be worth the admission price. Go and see it now, or rent it later, but don't let it escape you either way.

Overall Rating: 4 stars
Hottie Rating: 3 stars (for Clooney/Pitt combo)

Alternate Recommendation: Blood Simple
Official Site
IMDB Page
Rolling Stone review - in which Peter Travers tries to force some type of social commentary on the picture.

Iron Man (2008)

Directed by: Jon Favreau
Format: On Demand
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jeff Bridges, Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow
Trailer

Good prospects seem to hit the movie theaters in waves. For a while, the sea of offerings lap dully at the shore of mediocraty. Then, a string of features with enticing trailers swells up and drenches the box offices. Again, the wave dies down and it's back to chick flicks and Will Ferrell comedies. Trouble is, I'm a poor surfer. I either get so wrapped up in the rest of life that I forget to make it to a show or I end up waiting on the same jerk who keeps promising to take me to the theater and never follows through. When I have money, there's nothing playing and when I'm broke the latest Scorsese or Wes Anderson flick comes out. Murphy's Law of movie going? Perhaps. Consider also the fact that I can hardly stand to spend my evening rushing to make a screen time only to be viciously wallet-raped at the ticket counter and then have the best parts ruined by some inconsiderate anus with a cell phone. Sigh. The fact that I missed watching Robert Downey Jr. zip around the big screen in a material representation of a Black Sabbath song is entirely due to the aforementioned jerk and my reluctance to give up on him. When will I learn?

Tony Stark is a millionaire playboy of the Bruce Wayne variety. He also happens to be an engineering genius. The corporation he inherited, Stark Industries, profits by conceptualizing and manufacturing arms. In an interview with a Vouge Magazine reporter (Sure, like Vouge is any kind of reputable news source.), he makes clear his apathetic and cynical views on heading a company that enables soldiers to blow each other up. In Filmland, a comment like that is sure to land you in Just Dessertsville, and so it does.

Stark is headed back from a demonstration of his newest missile, when his Hummer is attacked and its accompanying troops slaughtered. When he regains consiousness, he finds himself in the clutches of Raza (Faran Tahir), leader of some type of desert-dwelling tribesmen bent on destruction (shall we assume Al Quaeda here?). Guess who's weapons the bad guys are armed with? Guess what Raza wants Tony to make? And so, with the aid of fellow captive Yinsen (Shaun Toub), he builds a robotic suit of armor instead. Thus, Iron Man is born. Upon returning to civilization, Tony Stark announces that he's had a change of heart. He says his company will no longer be producing weapons, which of course, sends his business partner, Obadiah Stane (Bridges) into cardiac arrest.

While I've long been aware of the Iron Man comic's existence, I can't claim the ability to judge how the movie adaptation measures up. So, someone more qualified than I will have to chime in (hint, hint). What I can say is that the movie is chock-full of eye candy. Whether it's Downey's bulging (dare I say..."throbbing"?) deltoids (..yummy..) or wicked-bad CGI, Iron Man doesn't disappoint on the asthetic front. The effects are truly top-notch and if the film has no further redeeming qualities, it's almost worth it for this aspect alone.

The acting is pretty solid all around. I've got a serious crush on Robert Downey Jr. (gee, could you tell?) for some mysterious reason. Nonetheless, I wouldn't be afraid to admit if he'd done a lousy job. I think he was a great choice for Iron Man; he's fun to watch. What really impressed me was that the techies who drew up the costume CGI managed to capture the character's body language. Jeff Bridges, however, always makes me suspicious. I'm not sure if that speaks to his acting skills, or typecasting. In this case, my suspicions were justified. I could have sworn that Terrence Howard was the guy from Scrubs (turns out that's Donald Faison), but the guy is a lousy best friend. When Tony calls up his buddy Turk Dr. Christopher Turk (oh, now I see why I was confused) to show him the new toy he's working on, Howard's character just tells him that he needs to rest and think about producing more weapons of mass destruction. Some pal. The film's answer to Bond's Money Penny is Ms. Pepper Potts. Paltrow, as the sultry secretary/love interest, slinks around the screen in a wardrobe that Carrie Bradshaw would be envious of. She doesn't honestly do much, except bitch when Stark gets all ethical on her. But, she sure looks good doing it. It's not Gwyn's fault really; her character was written as an ornament. The only horrible acting was Shaun Toub (the bad guy) who was nearly as terrible as Dominic Purcell in Blade Trinity (or anything else for that matter).

Iron Man was marginally better than I had expected it to be. I've almost had enough of the comic-to-movie genre. But, Downey's performance was great as a jerk turned hero genius scientist and the CGI was eye-popping. I was pleased to see no time wasted on obligitory love scenes or weak comeback lines. The movie isn't, by far, any Oscar winning goldmine here, but it is a solid, entertaining piece of cinema. Go ahead and rent this baby and have yourself a good time. In many ways, Iron Man is what Hancock should have been.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2
Hottie Rating: 3 3/4

Alternate Recommendation: The Maxx
Official Site
IMDB Page
353 Haiku review

The Mangler 2 (2001)

Directed by: Michael Hamilton-Wright
Format: On Demand
Starring: Lance Henriksen, Chelse Swain, Daniella Evangelista, Miles Meadows, Will Sanderson
Trailer

I will watch almost any movie, once, depending on the situation. I shop the horror section, on most occasions, before venturing elsewhere. That being said, I'll explain the situation that led me to choose The Mangler 2 from my On Demand menu. A couple of weeks ago, in an attempt to get a handle on my love handles (watching movies all day will do that), I hired a personal trainer. This past Saturday, she worked me so hard that, on the following day, I was barely able to move due to muscle soreness. Taking this as the perfect excuse to shirk my responsibilities and lay in bed all day watching movies, I set about to do just that. Although I had just rented two perfectly watchable DVDs from the video store that prior evening, I decided to go for the cheap thrill. "Besides," I reasoned, "that Ellen Page movie would probably go better with a dusky light and a glass of wine."

The Mangler 2 centers around a group of private college students. Jo Newton (Swain) is the daughter of a neglectful father who happens to own the school. She is of the angsty/goth/hacker variety, although her "hacking" consists mainly of downloading programs from the Internet. She and her fellow school prefects are held back from a school outing because the jerk headmaster (Henricksen) wants to know who's defaced the school's website. Feeling pissed off and outcast from her classmates, Jo decides to infect the building's new high-tech security system with (dun, dun, duuuuun!) The Mangler 2 virus. Just as the program is busy downloading, class jock, Dan (Sanderson), climbs through her window and distracts her from her revenge. The two run off to join the others, Emily, Corey and Will (Dexter Bell) for an impromptu pool party.

After Jo brags about her newest prank on the school, the group realizes that they would be the prime suspects since they're the only students there. So, they all run up to the headmaster's office to fix his email and place the blame on someone else. As they make their way through the empty hallways, they begin to come across mangled faculty members. When one of their own is boiled alive by the sprinkler system, they realize that they've got to fight the machines for their lives and try to escape the grounds before they're all dead.

Here's a movie selection tip - whenever you see Lance Henricksen's name on the cast list, avoid at all costs. His filmography is a list of B-grade flops and cartoon voice-acting. Granted, there are a few exceptions, like Alien or (maybe) the first Pumpkinhead, but it's a safe bet that whatever horror movie he's involved in will suck horribly. The rest of the cast of "teenagers" is just as awful. Daniella Evangelista plays class slut Emily who is mainly just a set of boobs bouncing their way through the script. She'd be attractive if the camera never panned above her neck. Of course, The Mangler 2 includes the class stoner, Corey (Meadows) and the token black guy (Bell) as well. Chelse Swain only has one expression - the twisted mouthed angsty one - and she doesn't pull even that off very well. Midway through the movie, the school's chef (Philippe Bergeron) is added to the group of hopeful escapees. His anti-computer monologues could have been amusing if they weren't delivered in the most lame fake French accent ever. In fact, I didn't realize he was trying to be French until someone mentioned it in the movie.

Sometimes, I can overlook a sad plot and horrible acting if the gore is exceptional. Sadly, that wasn't the case with The Mangler 2. There is some blood splatter and a crazy, wire entangled, horny headmaster, but some of the murders are offscreen. In a horror movie, no kill should ever, ever be offscreen. None of the effects were nauseating or even shocking. The animated computer wires are laughable. Even Jo's animated fractal screensaver is pathetic.

I never saw the first Mangler movie. After having seen the sequel, I don't think I need to see another Mangler movie ever again. This movie was weak, it lacked imagination, there was hardly any gore involved, and the acting was scraping the barrel. Don't waste your time with this movie. I've seen porn with better acting. There are a million horror movies out there and I'm betting that at least 80% of them are better than The Mangler 2. Still, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen and for that, and that alone, I can't give it a 0 rating.

Overall Rating: 1/2 star
Hottie Rating: 1 star

Alternate Recommendation: an episode of Scooby Doo
Official Site (none found)
IMDB Page
DVD Verdict review

***Note: If you found this review via IMDB, please let us know by leaving a comment. Thanks!***

Only You (1994)

Directed by: Norman Jewison
Fortmat: On Demand
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Marisa Tomei, Bonnie Hunt, Joaquim De Almeida
Trailer

This may be Gummi Popcorn's first romantic comedy review. I tend to avoid the genre in general, because most of these movies are predictable, cheesey, sappy, unrealistic and just plain boring. They're fairy tales; the kind of things shown to little girls to make them believe there's a prince charming out there somewhere. They're also churned out by Hollywood like a Chip's Ahoy cookie. The most heart-breaking scenes I've ever seen were found in dramas and foreign or indy films. Real romance, I feel, is filled with pain and anguish. That being said, I have found, on very rare occasions, I good romantic comedy. Some of the early 80's films (most of them star John Cusak) can be fun to watch. The only thing that made me take a chance on Only You was Robert Downey Jr.

Faith (Tomei) is about to be a young bride. All her life, she has believed in destiny. When she was a child, she was told that she would marry a man named Damon Bradley. A week before her wedding to a boring pediatrist, she gets a phone call. After she hangs up the reciever, she realizes the name she jotted down was Damon Bradley. So, beliving this could be her last chance to meet the man of her dreams, she rushes off to the airport (in her wedding dress) to catch a plane to Italy. Tagging along is her sister-in-law and best friend Kate (Hunt). The pair try to track Faith's mystery man from hotel to restaurant and across the country. As Faith is chasing Mr. Bradley through the streets of Venice, she loses a shoe in true Cinderella style. The man who delivers the shoe says his name is Damon Bradley. The two spend a romantic night together and seems to click perfectly. There's just one catch - he lied about his name. His real name is Peter (Downey) and he's madly enough in love with Faith to try one more deception to keep her around.

The whole premise of Only You is silly, but so is love. Faith is willing to risk her entire future on a name. Where she gets the money to jet off to Italy on a whim is beyond me. Faith's friend Kate is married and jaded and rightfully so, because her husband (played by Fisher Stevens) is a jerk who takes her away from her "girls' night out" to cook dinner for his poker friends. So, why is she willing to deny a wealthy, debonair Italian wife snatcher a chance? Even Peter, who is really the perfect match for Faith, is kind of a dirtbag. He consistently lies to her and, while his intentions are good, is this really a characteristic to admire in a man?

I have had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. since I don't know when. The reasons are beyond me, but whether he's a heartbroken liar, a dream-obsessed businessman or a down-and-out junkie, I love the guy. There's just something about the actor that draws me in. He looks great in Only You and, despite the fact he's untruthful, I wanted his character to succeed. I'd never understood the obsession with Marisa Tomei until I saw this movie. She really is beautiful. In Only You, she has a sort of Audrey Hepburn allure (and haircut) and naivete that makes Faith an enjoyable character. Naturally, she needs a friend and confidant to cling to, who provides the more realistic approach while still being supportive. Boonie Hunt does a reasonable job of fulliflling that role while carrying on a subplot of her own. I was a bit disappointed that the third in the friendly trio, Leslie (Siobhan Fallon) didn't have a larger part in the movie.

Only You is a cute and light movie. Admittedly, there were moments where I was drawn in. But, it was just as frustrating as most romantic comedies are. Why don't these people just communicate to each other? As usual, it's got a perfect ending, where the two who were truly meant to be together, find the strength to unite. Maybe it's just the result of my experiences, but I still prefer a more realistic approach to love. Woody Allen usually gets it right, I just wish he wouldn't act. If you're a fan of the genre, I think Only You will be a nice addition to your collection. As a non-fan, I was interested in the scenery, but not so much the plot.

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 4 stars (for beautiful Tomei and my crush on Robert)

Alternate Recommendation: Chasing Amy
Official Site
IMDB Page
Washington Post review - I honestly coudln't find another accurate or well written review for this one.

***Note: If you found this review via IMDB, please let us know by leaving a comment. Thanks!***

Shutter (2008)

Directed by: Masayuki Ochiai
Format: DVD
DVD Features: trailers, director feature, spirit photography featurettes, deleted scenes
Starring: Joshua Jackson, Rachael Taylor, Megumi Okina, John Hensley, Maya Hazen
Trailer

I thought the trend of Asian horror movie remakes was at an end. It apparently hasn't quite died yet. This time, instead of taking from the stock of Japanese films, the original Shutter was from Thailand. Nonetheless, the American version was shot in Japan by a Japanese director. According to his interview in the special features section of the disc, Ochiai attempted to stay as true to the original as possible. While I feel that to be an admirable trait, I remember being disappointed when I saw Ringu because it was so similar to the American version. When will American audiences learn to enjoy foreign cinema without having it tailor-made for us?

In Shutter (the English version), Benjamin and Jane have just gotten married. The happy couple plans to spend their honeymoon in Japan, where Ben has a photography shoot. He'll be working with his two pals Bruno and Adam who've set the couple up with a nice apartment and studio in an abandoned building. As the couple is driving in from the airport, Jane accidentally crashes into a girl standing in the road. When they regain consciousness, there's no body and the police find no evidence of an injured girl. Riddled with guilt, Jane begins to see the girl in window reflections. But Ben tells her she's imagining things and with the stress he's experiencing at the job, it's not a good time to bring this up. Apparently, the expensive photo shoot didn't go well. All of Ben's pictures developed with strange defects, just like their honeymoon roll. While Jane is flipping through her amateur shots, she notices the girl from the road is in all of them. Who is this woman, what does she want and what doesn't Jane know about her husband's past in Japan?

The main premise of Shutter relies heavily on the concept of spirit photography. A big deal in Japan, it hasn't quite hit Western shores (I always wondered where the idea for the game Fatal Frame came from). There are magazines filled with pictures of ghosts in Japan and it seems that Ben and Jane have managed quite a collection of their own. I think spirit photography is a fascinating idea and an interesting one to base a film around. But Shutter suffers from many of the same similarities as most of its predecessors. There is always the culture shock of American transplants to Japan and it always seems to be the girlfriends who are suffering. While Jane does a little bit better tackling the subway system than most, she's still feeling a bit lost and isolated. Just once, I'd like to see an American woman who's having a good time in that country.

Shutter also has the same brand of fear as most of the other films. There isn't really a gore factor and all of the terror comes in slow, suspenseful waves. I appreciate the fact that the filmmakers aren't constantly trying to make the audience jump at inane little things. However, I'm getting really tired of spooky long-haired chicks. In The Grudge it was scary. In The Ring it was a puzzle. In Shutter, it's just old news. This film does have the benefit of an interesting plot and a few unexpected twists, which makes it more enjoyable than it otherwise could have been and that's what saves it from just another Japanese remake.

All of the actors here are acceptable in their roles. None are really fantastic or will leave a lasting impression. Joshua Jackson makes a great loving husband who falls gradually from grace, but I didn't buy his fear. Seeing a character in a horror film truly convey their fright makes me feel afraid all the more. Jackson didn't do that for me. Jane (Taylor) never seems more than curious and frustrated. The Japanese actress, Megumi (who plays the ghost Megumi) doesn't have to do much more than move slowly. Bruno (David Denman) and Adam (Hensley) are really just sort of older jocks who've acclimated to live overseas. No depth there, I'm afraid.

I can't really confess any strong feelings either way on this movie. I did expect it to be terrible and it wasn't. It's just different enough of a movie to be interesting, but just similar enough to others to be boring. I don't regret the rental and the DVD's special features are good (just don't watch them before you see the movie). But, when you've seen one American remake of an Asian horror film, you've sadly seen them all.

Overall Rating: 3
Hottie Rating: 2

Alternate Recommendation: go see something in its original language
Official Site
IMDB Page
A.V. Club review

***Note: If you found this review via IMDB, please let us know by leaving a comment. Thanks!***

Brainscan (1994)

Directed by: John Flynn
Format: On Demand
Starring: Eddie Furlong, Frank Langella, T. Ryder Smith, Amy Hargreaves, Jamie Marsh
Trailer

Lately, I've been stumbling upon some not-quite-classic-but-still-campy nuggets of recently-passed cinema. You know - not quite Casablanca and not quite MST3K. To be honest, it's mostly due to the fact that I'm lazy and broke and I haven't returned my Netflix movies in a while. But, being lazy and broke has its advantages, believe it or not. Namely, stumbling upon not-quite-classic-but-still-campy nuggets of recently-passed cinema. I digress. There's something to be said for hidden treasure. The risk in hunting for it is, of course, finding crap along the way. I came across Brainscan and, recognizing the name, decided to give it a chance.

It's the mid-nineties. Video games and computers offer limitless entertainment, but Michael Bower (Furlong) thinks he's seen it all. When his best friend Kyle (Marsh) calls him up to tell him about an intriguing ad in the latest issue of Fangoria, he takes a break from video taping the girl next door's bedroom window to respond. The ad is for a product called Brainscan and it promises an experience so realistic and terrifying that it's like no game ever played before. Feeling an affront to his teenage boy video game prowess, Bower takes on the challenge. Soon, disc 1 arrives in the mail. Brainscan leaps from the screen and takes over. Michael's mission is to go into a man's house and murder him (creatively) before the time limit is up. He's absorbed into the first-person perspective and completes the mission with time to spare. The next day he learns that a local man has been murdered and inside his freezer is the man's foot! How realistic is too realistic?

Brainscan is loaded with cool, outdated technology presented as cutting edge. Michael's phone is a voice-activated and crudely animated butler named Igor. The game discs are played via cartridge inserted into his DVD/disc drive device. Even the special effects are mid-nineties conceptions.

Who knew that Eddie Furlong was in anything except Terminator 2? In fact, looking over his rap-sheet, I don't see anything later than 1999 that I recognize. Really, would any of us recognize Furlong if we saw him now? I know plenty of girls who confess a crush on dear Eddie (oh, I'm sorry, Edward)from "back in the day". For his role as Michael Bower, just imagine John Connor with a little less rebellion but just as much of a techie fetish. Brainscan is entirely suitable for anyone with a Furlong habit. One of the most amusing characters in this movie was Trickster, played by T. Ryder Smith. Trickster is the goblin-like character that springs from the Brainscan disc. He's sort of the movie's version of Beetlejuice, but a little more punked out. At least he appreciates Primus. Smith plays him (underneath a lot of makeup) as an impish creature; ridiculous and odd, but perfect for the film and plenty of personality. The rest of the cast is the usual gathering of high-school misfits. They're not outstanding by any means, but likeable enough. None of them steal the spotlight from Furlong.

There are a slew of improvements that could be made to Brainscan to make it a better film. For one, Michael has the "Pipi Longstocking Syndrome". That is to say that he's got plenty of neat gadgets, no cash flow issues and, most importantly, absent parents. For another thing, I would have made the game's first victim the troublesome school principal, who cancels the boys' classic horror movie club. Kyle should have been a much more prominent character, being Bower's best friend, and could have been given a good deal more screen time. The topic of Micheal's mother is strong in the beginning of the movie. It seems as if it will be a major factor, but is never really developed.

To summarize, Brainscan isn't quite the film it could have been, but it's amusing to watch. It's not in the least bit frightening, of course, but it gets a smidge tense at times. I wouldn't go adding this movie to your personal collection, unless you're into this sort of thing, but rental (at a reasonable discount) is not something to shy away from. However, if you're into smoking a bit of the green stuff, or getting a bit tipsy (not that GP condones that sort of thing), it could be the perfect 96 minute diversion.

Overall Rating: 3 stars
Hottie Rating: 2 stars

Alternate Recommendation: Videodrome
Official Site (none found)
IMDB Page
The Austin Chronicle review

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Editorial: DVD vs. TV

We are lucky, in this day and age, to have so many movie formats at our disposal. We can view our favorite flicks on VHS, DVD, Blue Ray, television, On Demand cable, theater and the internet. There was even a short-lived laserdisc phase. VHS was nice while it lasted, but it's quickly on the outs in favor of more durable digital formats. I think the most common ways to see a movie lately, have been DVD or television. So, here's our verdict on which way to go.

Pros TV: The convenience of movies on television is definitely a bonus. Making a special trip to the store, incurring late fees and even awaiting your next DVD via post can be a drag. Several channels, such as AMC and IFC offer uninterrupted viewing, eliminating the need to mute those pesky commercials. If cable is an option, On Demand offers a variety of films that can easily be rewound, paused and fast forwarded, just like a DVD. The list of free movies changes frequently and new releases can be purchased, often for a lower cost than at the video store.

Pros DVD: The invention of the DVD was an absolute improvement over VHS. Not only do they not wear out and streatch like magnetic tape will, the picture quality and chapter-to-chapter scrolling make this format superb (not to mention the elimination of the need to rewind). DVDs usually include subtitles in several languages, extra features, behind the scenes peeks and commentaries that were never available before. Plus, if you've got the time, DVDs can be watched over and over again without incurring extra cost. DVDs are frequently available in widescreen format as well, which allows you to see the entire screen shot.

Cons TV: Watching a movie on television has its share of drawbacks. If you elect to see a film this way, you must put up with a number of detriments. First, there are commercials. Even if you can avoid those, networks almost always edit your films for time, content and the dreaded "formatted to fit your screen". You see, when filmmakers set up camera, they usually intend for what they're shooting to end up on a movie theater sized screen. Notice the rectangular shape of a theater screen. Now, notice the shape of your TV at home (unless you've got a fancy wide-screen version). It's square, isn't it? That means, when a movie is formatted, each end of the picture must be severed to account for the change in size and shape. That's what is often referred to as "pan and scan". So, not only are you missing part of the original picture, you must rely on the editors to focus on the most important bits of the shot. They don't always do a great job of this. If you have children watching, it might be important to you to have some of the dialogue edited so as not to offend their delicate ears. But, being the purist that I am, I enjoy viewing a film in the most original format possible. And, if English isn't your first language or if it isn't the original language of the film, the availability of subtitled versions is limited. Even On Demand is flawed. The newest releases are around $5 and you can only review the movie for 24 hours without paying again. The selection of free movies is terribly lacking and even something as recent as Top Gun is off the list. Normally, you will find yourself settling for a B grade horror flick that never even made it to theaters.

Cons DVD: Unless you have Netflix or something similar, renting a DVD comes with the inconvineince of running back to the store or paying an extra charge for returning your selection late. The discs can get lost or broken or arrive so scratched up that they're unreadable. Then, there's the financial factor. Are you willing to shell out the charges to keep a movie for a few measly days? I'm often surprised at the bill from my local video store.

While either option carries its advantages and disadvantages, I overwhelmingly recommend DVDs. The selection is usually broader, the movies are available unedited, and the special features often shed some light into the movie that one may not gather otherwise. But take my advice and always, always rent the widescreen version!