Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Directed by: Drew Goddard
Starring: Fran Kranz, Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth
Trailer

I feel that it's necessary to begin my review with a few qualifiers. First of all, I am a late-comer to Joss Whedon fandom. It took insistent recommendations from close friends (i.e. peer pressure) to get me to watch my first season of Buffy. Once I did, I jumped in with both feet and never looked back. So, this review of his latest creative endeavor will naturally be colored by that slavish devotion that grips many of Whedon's fans.  Secondly, any reader of Gummi Popcorn will quickly surmise that I'm big on horror. But, I'm also very bored with it. There are times when the usual five-kids-in-a-cabin trope is just what the doctor ordered. When I'm sick at home, I eat lots of soup and watch teenagers get slashed by forest-dwelling psychos, hockey-mask-donning lunatics and ironic twists of fate. That's just the way I'm wired. However, that same formula has been used so often that it has become a joke. And now we get to how the two subjects are related.

As the trailer indicates, there's more going on here than what we as an audience might expect. Yes, there are the stereotypical victims - the blonde sexpot, the confident jock, the dowdy smart girl, the sensitive intellectual, and the pot-smoking loser - however, these are all just manipulations. There is a control room, behind the scenes, that oversees the most critical of decisions (do they stick together or split up?) while allowing enough rope for the characters to hang themselves with. And that's why Cabin in the Woods is not like any horror movie you've seen before.

What I liked about this film is that the creators know what audiences have become accustomed to and built a story behind it. They've added another layer of muscle just under the sagging skin of the horror genre. When, at the end of the film, that pallid flesh is ripped away, it is torn with reckless abandon by every manner of beasts let loose from darkened closets, illuminated legends and feverish nightmares. And yes - it's reminiscent of an episode of Buffy. And yes - it's hilarious.

Whedon has his finger firmly on the pulse of pop culture. He seems to have an innate ability to work subtle but relevant humor into even the worst situations, using a lingo that reverberates with currency. (I imagine him stalking groups of teenagers with a flip phone just to pick up their speech patterns, but I digress.) His comic timing is rarely less than perfect. The writing for Cabin in the Woods reflects that talent, in much the same way Whedon's other creations do.

That being said, I don't expect this film to explode the box office. While it doesn't blatantly cater to Whedon fans (there are no cheesy cameos from Boreanaz or Gellar), it might be a little too offbeat for mainstream audiences. After all, not everyone appreciates having the rug pulled out from underneath them.

Bechdel Test Results: Fail
Second Opinion

Hottie Rating: 4 of 5 (for wolf/girl make-out scene)
Overall Rating: 5 of 5 (this one goes on my top 5 list)

Casino Royale (2006)

Directed by: Martin Campbell
Format: On Demand
Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Judy Dench, Giancarlo Giannini
trailer

I used to adore 007. The first six Connery movies have always been my favorites, but I imagine that I've seen the Roger Moore films several times over as well. When GoldenEye, with Pierce Brosnan, was released, I was excited for the genre to continue. However, I quickly grew tired of the franchise after that. The formula had gotten stale and I just wasn't enough of a die-hard Bond fan to stick around. So, I let Die Another Day, The World is Not Enough and Tomorrow Never Dies slip by practically unnoticed. (In fact, I still haven't seen those three.) I also admit to never having read anything by Ian Fleming, the novelist who created the character. So, although I've seen the majority of James Bond films, I can't hardly call myself a dyed-in-the-wool "fan". A new friend of mine, however, is and convinced me to give Daniel Craig a shot in the famous role.

If the movies had been made in the same order as the books, Casino Royale would have been the first. When the film opens, Bond doesn't even have his "double-O" status yet. When he gets it, he doesn't waste any time following rules. His first mission ends in a dead bomb maker and an explosion that sends an embassy in Uganda up in flames. Then, 007 proceeds to break into M's house, which doesn't make her terribly happy either. But, she seems more concerned about the fact that the bomb maker they were hoping would lead to a major arms dealer is now dead. James isn't flustered. He picks up on the trail again in The Bahamas and eventually follows it to a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro. His goal there will be to beat international terrorism's favorite banker, Le Chiffre, in a game of Texas Hold 'Em. If he loses, Le Chiffre gets away and the British government will have made a 10 million dollar donation to terror.

Casino Royale is set apart from all other Bond movies. Not only has the lead actor changed, but several previously common elements are missing. There are no flirtatious exchanges with Money Penney, for example. She's not even in the film. Also absent is the character Q and his gadgets. Bond's car had a very useful glove box, but there's no fancy introduction and no John Cleese. Both are ingredients I'd always enjoyed before, but was willing to let go - however reluctantly - in favor of fresh footage. Also noticeable is the greatly reduced presence of cheesy one-liners and sexual innuendo. A fond farewell to that!

What isn't missing in this newer film is action. If possible, it's even more amped up than before. One of the very first scenes involved Bond chasing a man through a construction site. I had to pause and re-watch it just to make sure I didn't miss anything. The stunts are fantastic and there's hardly any time at all to catch one's breath. It's almost super-human the way Marvin Campbell (stunt double for Sebastian Foucan) bounces around the set. Mad props to the stunt team! Another staple of the genre, namely beautiful women with unusual names, has also held its ground. This time, however, Bond uncharacteristically falls for one of them.

So, how is Daniel Craig as the new Bond? While I've never really found Craig to be an attractive man, I have to admit that he's got a marble figure in Casino Royale. He's a rougher version of the character; hard core and not afraid to get dirty. At the same time, he also manages the suave side of Bond quite convincingly. The gritty edge that Craig lends to the role is very appealing and refreshing. I was not disappointed. While Sean Connery will always have a special place in my heart, I have to call Craig a close second. James' love interest this time is Vesper Lynd, an accountant played by Eva Green. Green is a more elegant, intelligent "Bond-girl" than most and is strikingly lovely sans makeup. A witty match for Bond, I nonetheless never felt she was entirely trustworthy. The asthma afflicted, bloody-eyed La Chiffre owes his excellent portrayal to chisel-jawed Mads Mikkelsen. While not as dramatically intense as many previous villains, La Chiffre makes up for it in cold, calculating insanity. While the character himself could have used a few more examples of evilness (probably not a a real word), Mikkelsen made my skin crawl.

I whole-heartedly recommend this version (yes, there are others) of Casino Royale to anyone who's become jaded when it comes to movies about British agents with a license to kill. The opening credits kick some serious ass as well, accompanied by Chris Cornell's "You Know My Name". I enjoyed this film so much that I watched it again immediately after the first time. I just hate that Bond's signature card game - Baccarat - is eliminated in favor of Texas Hold 'Em; a game that's a little too "redneck" for my taste. It looks like I'm going to have to see Quantum of Solace now - despite the awful title - since it's the conclusion to this movie. That's right, Casino Royale is also the first 007 two-parter.

Overall Rating: 4 stars
Hottie Rating: 4 stars (Holy chiseled bod, Batman!)

Alternate Recommendation: Dr. No
Official Site
IMDB Page
A Nutshell Review review

Christmas Evil (1980)

a.k.a. You Better Watch Out
Directed by: Lewis Jackson
Format: On Demand
Starring: Brandon Maggart, Jeffrey DeMunn, Peter Neuman, Joe Jamrog
clip

Christmas is such a major event, celebrated internationally, that it's no surprise the holiday has developed its own sub-genre in the film world. Most of us are familiar with the seasonal classics, like A Christmas Story and It's a Wonderful Life. Those titles were made for the holiday and, like pumpkin pie, are usually enjoyed only once a year. There is an abundance of Christmas comedies, possibly because the time of year is so closely associated with cheer and joy. Bad Santa, Fred Claus and the upcoming Four Christmases immediately spring to mind. Christmas drama also abounds with titles like A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street and The Nativity Story. However, there is a lesser-known category; the Christmas horror. Being a person who tends to lean toward the darker side of everything anyway, my two current holiday favorites are The Nightmare Before Christmas (big surprise there) and Gremlins (it is to a Christmas movie!). That being said, it surprises me that I haven't seen much more of what the industry has to offer in the way of sugarplum nightmares. Last night, in an attempt to rectify this deficiency, I took a chance on Christmas Evil.

When Harry Stadling was a child, he witnessed his mom and Santa having a little "naughty time" under the Christmas tree. For some reason, it scarred the boy, causing him to be obsessed with the holiday. The middle-aged Harry sleeps in a Santa suit, hums holiday tunes and even works at a toy factory. He spends his off-time spying on the neighborhood children and logging their activities in his volumes of "naughty and nice" records. Not surprisingly, Harry isn't a popular kind of guy. People at work take advantage of him and he's increasingly irritated at the world for failing to grasp the true spirit of his favorite holiday. This year, he's finally had enough. He decides to don a white beard, paint a sleigh on his van and distribute some justice.

Brandon Maggart plays the older, disturbed main character and it's hard to say whether or not he's really a bad guy. Sure, he's a murderer and a weirdo, but as the filmmakers are fond of pointing out, maybe what society really needs is the fear of Santa to remind them to behave. Besides, kids seem to love the guy. I still wouldn't want to sit on his lap. Considering that Christmas Evil is practically a one-man show, Maggart carries it pretty well. He succeeds in being supremely creepy but not entirely loathsome. Harry's older brother Philip is really terrible. He's terrible because his character is such a jerk and terrible because Jeffrey DeMunn does such a poor job in the role. Philip is even less likable than the villain.

There isn't enough room here to describe all of the aspects of this movie that make no sense at all. The most puzzling of which, being why Harry's childhood peeping caused him to become a crazy, red-suited killer. I suspect there's a possible Oedipus Complex happening here, but that's a little bit of a stretch. In one odd scene, Harry has crept into the bushes surrounding one naughty child's house. He covers his face and hands in black mud and presses them up against the siding, leaving imprints. Later, the camera pans back to those same black marks, but why? Is it just so that we all know who's house we're looking at? Sorry Jackson, but you lost me here. In another bizarre moment, the young Harry, Philip and their mother are watching Harry's father climb down the chimney and stuff stockings. The three observers are sitting silently on the staircase, cast in strange lighting and not speaking. Was this supposed to be scary?

The entire 100 minutes of Christmas Evil is just uncomfortable; like being molested by a dirty old uncle. There's something totally creepy and uneasy about the whole situation. Nevermind that the movie is obviously low-budget (which isn't always a bad thing) and the plot and acting are weak. The lighting is wacky and the sets and wardrobe stink of moldy 70's stylings. Most of the story is unexplained and what little gore there is lacks inspiration. It's hard to tell whether the audience is meant to hate the main character or root for him or whether any part of this movie should be taken seriously. The only way I'd consent to watching Christmas Evil again is if it was part of an MST3K episode. Not a good result of my first foray into the Christmas horror sub-genre.

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 0 stars

Alternate Recommendation: Gremlins
Official Site (the best I could do)
IMDB Page
DVD In My Pants review

The Cat Returns (2002)

a.k.a. Neko No Ongaeshi (Japanese)

Directed by: Hiroyuki Morita
Format: DVD
DVD Features:
Starring (voices): Chizuru Ikewaki, Yoshihiko Hakamada, Tetsu Watanabe, Takayuki Yamada
Trailer

For several years during my adolescence, I was fully devoted to Anime (ah-nee-meh), or Japanese Animation. My obsession started with Otomo's Akira and, back then, there wasn't any other way to view it aside from third-generation VHS copies, in the original language and sans subtitles. So, for a while, I'd sit in a church basement with my fellow Otaku and make fourth-generation copies. Ah...nostalgia. These days, we have things like DVDs and the internet. So, coming from the perspective of having been into the genre during that period of my life, watching anime seems a bit juvenile to me now. From time to time though, I like to revisit the land of Shojo and Hentai (okay, maybe not-so-much the Hentai) and recall just how magical it can be.

The Cat Returns is about an average teenaged girl named Haru (Ikewaki). One day, on her way home from school, she saves a cat from being flattened in the street. She's shocked when the feline stands up on his hind legs, brushes himself off and speaks a thank you to her. That night, she witnesses a bizarre procession of cats who stop in front of her door to announce that the fortunate creature she saved earlier that day is the prince of the cat kingdom! The following morning, Haru is treated to an overflow of gifts that would be perfect for any housecat, but a little disturbing for a young girl; catnip, boxes of mice, and the prince's hand in marriage! Not excited about the prospect of marrying outside her species, she seeks help from Baron (Hakamada) and Muta (Watanabe) who come to her rescue.

The characters in The Cat Returns are certainly adorable, if you're a cat person. Baron is a debonair toy cat who's come to life. He has a large, living raven statue for a friend and a rather scrappy, fat companion cat named Muta. The two of them are consistently trading insults! Yuki is a pretty little maid cat who also lends a paw to Haru's cause. When they're in their element, all of the kitties trot around on their hind legs, wearing clothes. Some of my favorite side characters are the king's bodyguards - tuxedo-colored cats who kick the neighborhood strays out of the way. Not all of the cats in this story are the same though, and I couldn't figure out why. It appears that some cats are gifted with human speech and mannerisms, while others are just normal cats. I couldn't really sympathize with Haru at all though. It seems like a delightful gift to be able to live as a cat and she's hardly appreciative of the Cat Kingdom's efforts to find suitable presents for her.

This film is a directorial debut for Hiroyuki Morita, though he's worked as animator on familiar titles like Gunsmith Cats and Tenchi Muyo. The movie reminded me a great deal of Hayao Miyazaki's work (My Neighbor Totoro, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke), but without his focus on environmental issues and sweeping drama. The Cat Returns does have a nice moral though, which is "believe in yourself". The animation is smooth and not heavily reliant on CGI. The character design is not overly "bug-eyed" or astoundingly odd.

Although by no means is all Anime suitable for children, The Cat Returns is an all-ages adventure. The tale moves along fairly quickly and, except for a few small quirks, is easy to follow. There are no giant robots or magical transformations. So, be aware, if your taste in film runs toward mechs or sailor-girls. If you've enjoyed films like the Miyazaki works mentioned above, you won't be disappointed with this one.

*A note on language: Regardless of what language a movie happens to be filmed in, I have made it a rule to be appreciative of the original actors. As such, whenever possible, I view the subtitled version. I'm also a bit leery of the translations in some instances and it's nice to have the authentic soundtrack available. All movies reviewed on this site were viewed with their original audio track.*

Overall Rating: 3 stars
Hottie Rating: 0 stars

Alternate Recommendation: My Neighbor Totoro (a.k.a. Tonari No Totoro)
Official Site (Disney)
IMDB Page
FilmAsia review

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Constantine (2005)

Director: Francis Lawrence
Format: Theater / DVD
DVD Features: trailers, added scenes, alternate ending, DVD-ROM
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, Gavin Rossdale, Shia LaBeouf,

Let it be known from here on out, that I am an Atheist. I don’t believe in God or Heaven or Hell. No, I don’t believe in Satan either, because I imagine that he was invented by the same mythic text as the rest. But, for some reason, I am still fascinated by the personification of the Devil in pop culture. I love grand cathedrals and all of the affectations surrounding faith. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I love horror films, which are often fraught with Catholic symbolism. Many of the best horror films involve priests (The Exorcist, for one), churches or the Apocalypse. So, the trailer for Constantine practically grabbed ahold of me a dragged to the theater.

Although Constantine was based on a comic book (Hellblazer), the main character is more of an anti-hero. John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) drinks a lot, smokes even more and is particularly cynical about most everything. Albeit, not without reason. See, the man has literally been to Hell and back after a botched suicide attempt. He’s been graced, or cursed, with the power to see angels, demons, and what he calls “half-breeds” and he’s become a crusader of sorts. With the aid of his friends Hennessy (Pruitt Taylor Vince) and Beeman (Max Baker) and aprentice Chas Kramer (Shia LaBeouf) travel around the city performing exorcisms and combating evil spirits.

After her sister’s death, Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) seeks out Constantine in the hope of finding answers to what she doesn’t believe was a suicide. At first, John throws the badge carrying Angela out of his apartment. But, when he realizes that she’s being hunted by the supernatural, he rushes to help her. The two of them pick up a series of clues and soon figure out that the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan, in terms of the fate of the world.

The visuals in Constantine are amazing. Hell is a smoldering, disintegrating version of the living world, populated by sincerely grotesque monstrosities. It’s so beautifully constructed that it’s hard to keep from sweating, watching the heat waves engulf entire landscapes. In the human plain, costuming is impeccable and Gabriel’s wings are worthy of an angel. His outfit near the end of the film is terrifically inventive, and just try to top Satan in his white suit. The sets are grim and gritty, full of texture. Constantine’s apartment and Beeman’s hideout are both curiously fascinating haunts.

For years and years, I have avoided films that star Keanu Reeves. I have never considered him a good actor. When The Matrix came out, I started to give the actor more of a chance. Once, I read an article about Reeves, which made the point that he’s a good actor because he’s such an empty slate. Regardless, Keanu makes a wonderful Constantine. The only other actor I would have considered for the job might be John Cusack, but he’s a little too meek to measure up. Rachel Weisz is fast becoming one of my favorite actresses. However, she’s not particularly convincing as a police officer. Granted, the plot doesn’t focus much on her career, but there’s an edge she seems to be lacking. Chas, Hennessy, and Beeman are all terrific characters, richly designed and well played. Tilda Swinton is divine as the angel Gabriel, but her demon counterpart, Balthazar (Gavin Rossdale) was disappointing. One of the best characters is Midnite, played by Djimon Hounsou. If there were to be another movie with this set of characters, I would love to learn more about him.

I don’t have anything bad to say about Constantine. It’s exciting, visually appealing, well acted, and has a great storyline. My only wish is for more of the characters and their individual stories. Some movies have the ability to astound in the theater, but can’t hold up to repeat viewing at home. Although I eventually purchased the DVD release of Constantine, I have watched it over and over again without growing tired or disinterested. This one’s a sure bet.

Overall Rating: 5
Hottie Rating: 5 (for Reeves and LaBeouf, and for Weisz's wet shirt scene)

Alternate Viewing: Night Watch
Official Site
IMDB Site
Salon.com review

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The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Director: Kevin Reynolds
Format: DVD
DVD Features: deleted scenes, audio commentary, featurettes
Starring: James Caviezel, Guy Pearce, Richard Harris, Dagmara Dominczyk
Trailer

I like getting movie recommendations from friends. I rarely watch movies with friends, so it’s really nice to have that experience as well. What’s triply nice is when I get to sit and watch with a friend and they don’t insist on talking through the whole thing or trying to make out with me. Granted, there are certain movies that just beg to be made out to, like Crash with David Spader, for instance. And if I’ve seen the movie a bazillion times, like The Princess Bride, it’s okay to talk through it. But, when I see movies, I generally want everyone to shut the hell up and let me watch. The Count of Monte Cristo was a film I got to see with a friend, a quiet one.

Edmond Dantes (James Caviezel) is a young man who’s making his way in the world. He’s got a beautiful fiancé and has just gotten a promotion. Fernand (Guy Pearce) is a friend of Edmond’s, noble born and exceedingly jealous. Edmond is happy-go-lucky until he is shipped off to prison on the island of Chateau d’lf , framed for treason. He’s held captive there for 13 years (which reminded me of a Korean movie called Oldboy). Fortunately for him, Edmond meets up with another captive, Abbe Faria (Richard Harris), who trains him in the arts of combat, teaches him to read, and enlists his aid in digging a tunnel out of captivity. And eventually, after so many long years, Dantes finds a way out of Chateau d’lf and into a large fortune. Bent on revenge, Edmond Dantes takes on his new persona, The Count of Monte Cristo, and quickly infiltrates the social circles in which Fernand travels. Not even Mercedes (Dagmara Dominczyk), Edmond’s former love is safe from the vengeful wrath of The Count.

It took me a moment to realize where I’d seen Guy Pearce before. I recognized the face, but just couldn’t remember a plot or character to connect him to. That’s when my friend reminded me – Momento. Momento was a terrific film and so, I was expecting a similarly stellar performance from Pearce in this movie. Sadly, it didn’t get what I was hoping for. In fact, most of the cast did a mediocre rendition of the characters in this classic tale. I certainly wasn’t impressed by Pearce, Caviezel, Faria or anyone else.

Although it wasn’t a horribly trashy film, The Count of Monte Cristo was dulled beneath a thick glaze of Hollywood treatment. There wasn’t anything particularly edgy or revolutionary in this take of the story. The segment of the film in which Dantes meets Faria and builds himself up to the task of seeking revenge would be familiar to any fan of classic kung-fu films. I was reminded of countless subtitled features wherein the lead character suffers great losses, meets an old master, undergoes training and comes out better and stronger than before. There is a fairly entertaining fight at the end, when The Count takes on his enemies and there is hardly a moment when it doesn’t seem that Dantes’ revenge isn’t deserved. I just imagine that the same story could have been much more exciting considering all of the elements present which could have been developed richly had someone else been directing it and/or another cast acting in it. The basic story was full of potential, but (and no offense to my friend) it was lacking anything special.

Overall Rating: 2
Hottie Rating: 0

Alternate Viewing: A Knight’s Tale
?Official Site?
IMDB Site
Crazy 4 Cinema review

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Collateral (2004)

Director: Michael Mann
Format: DVD
DVD Features: making of, deleted scenes, featurettes, trailers
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Tom Cruise, Mark Ruffalo
Trailer

I’d seen the trailer for Collateral go by on the disks of a few of my other films before. One night, I apparently had enough and buckled under the pressure of Hollywood advertising. So, this week, I found it in my mailbox from Netflix. Since I usually make my selections when I’m a bit inebriated, it’s always an adventure to see what the postman will bring. It’s not the kind of movie I would usually rent. I’m frequently viewing action films, it’s true, but not usually with the cast that Collateral has to offer. So, with some trepidation, I popped this disc into my player.

Jamie Foxx plays Max, a cab driver in L.A. with big plans for the future, plans that he’s been procrastinating on for 12 years. One night, he picks up grey haired, sharp suited Vincent (Tom Cruise), who offers him several hundred dollars to break regulations and chauffer him around for the rest of the night. Max gets his first inkling that it won’t be a quiet evening when Vincent’s latest victim drops out of a window and slams into the cab’s windshield. But, the dead man who finds his way into the trunk of Max’s cab wasn’t just another lowlife. He happens to be the target of an undercover investigation. When Detective Fanning (Mark Ruffalo) discovers that his lead has disappeared in a shower of blood and broken glass, he starts to suspect that there’s something bigger going on. And, when the hospital mortician shows him the collection of recent corpses, Fanning connects the string of murders to an FBI investigation.

I’ve never been particularly fond of Jamie Foxx. I’d had the impression that the actor had quite a high opinion of himself, an opinion that hasn’t been earned. However, his portrayal of Max in this film has changed my views. Max is by no means a big and powerful man. Neither is he a fast action hero or a clever spy. Max is a very nervous, slightly obsessive compulsive, humble fellow who’s frankly just terrified of the whole situation. And Foxx does a very convincing job in the role. On the other side of the coin is costar Cruise. I remember a time when I actually liked the guy – the movies Legend and Top Gun spring to mind. But it seems that no matter what character he’s played since, he’s always Tom Cruise. He’s arrogant, egotistical, and rough with the ladies. The man seems to have his nose so far up in the air these days and I almost never make it a point to see his films. Granted, he was good in Collateral. He was still Tom Cruise though and he’s good at being Tom Cruise. I’m surprised there weren’t any love scenes.

Some of the cinematography is a bit strange. Most of the movie is shot with run of the mill film. Every now and then, though, the movie footage becomes gritty and unpolished like a home video tape. While I’ve often seen this technique used with a positive impact, I didn’t think it was well used in Collateral. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to its placement or particular plot point that it accentuated. Although there aren’t any CGI or amazing stunts in the movie, it’s not necessary.

I was pleasantly surprised by Collateral. The plot was clever and some of the dialogue brings forth some very true points about society. Likewise, the performances were unexpectedly superb. Although the movie is not chock full of gore and explosions, the point comes across without the need for flashy antics. It’s a little more thoughtful than the average action flick, but manages to maintain the fun aspects of the genre. I think it’d be a candidate for a successful girlfriend/boyfriend movie night compromise.

Overall Rating: 4
Hottie Rating: 0 (Cruise is not hot)

Alternate Viewing: The Borne Supremacy (or The Borne Identity)
Official Site
IMDB Site
Entertainmentopia Review

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Creep (2005)

Director: Christopher Smith
Format: DVD
DVD Features: alternate beginning and ending, making of, operation scene
Starring: Franka Potente, Vas Blackwood, Paul Rattray
Trailer

What elements do I find in foreign horror films that make them more frightening than their American counterparts? It’s not a language barrier, because British and Australian horror films have the same effect on me. Maybe it’s the fact that the surroundings are similar, but just a touch different. Is it the minor differences that make me feel less secure and therefore more easily startled when something jumps out of the shadows? Whatever it may be, it’s true for most foreign horror – except those from Japan. While I’ve seen some very disturbing horror films from Japan, they weren’t really scary in the same sense. But, I digress…

Creep was made in the UK. Since it takes place in The Underground, that fact should become apparent immediately. Kate (Franka Potente) misses the last train out of the station one night and finds herself locked in the subway. She soon discovers that the railway is home to more than just homeless junkies and that lecherous men are the least of her problems. With the help of Jimmy (Paul Rattray), one of the subterranean residents and George (Vas Blackwood), an ex-con sewer worker, she tries to stay alive through the night. Rats, raw sewage, and an abandoned medical facility don’t make her struggle any simpler.

As I mentioned earlier in this review, the fact that the movie has that special foreign flavor gave it more of an edge in the terror department. The dark passages of the London Underground were an excellent setting for this type of film. It was actually filmed in unused portions of The Underground, which makes the film that much more realistic. In the opening scenes of Creep, two sewage workers are trudging through slime and entrails, their cockney slang echoing off the walls. The older man is describing how the odors vary from district to district.

There’s only one monster in the movie (although Guy is one in a different sense), but he’s just as grotesque and twisted on the inside as he is on the outside. The director, in his commentary on the DVD, said that he wanted the audience to feel a degree of sympathy for the antagonist. However, I didn’t see any reason to pity him, especially after the “operation” scene. (Trust me; you don’t want to play doctor with this guy.) I did find it eerie when it becomes clear that the creature does have some intelligence, even though that scene isn’t particularly scary.

Although I usually enjoy Franka Potente’s acting, I don’t think she gave her best performance in this movie. There’s no point at which she seems really terrified, just frustrated and inconvenienced. However, no single member of the cast in Creep stood out as being particularly awful or spectacular. When that’s the case in movies, I imagine that it’s a fault in the directing or the script, rather than the cast members. There are a few aspects of the plot that seem unnecessary or not properly supported.

Overall Rating: 2 1/2 stars
Hottie Rating: 0

Alternate viewing: Resident Evil
Official site
IMDB site
Rotten Tomatoes review

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Crank (2006)

Director: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor
Venue: Theater
Trailer

I had decided on a whim to take my little brother and his girlfriend to see a movie. We were on the way home and I had the sudden urge to go to the theater. So, instead of checking my local listings, I just parked the car at an AMC and went to the box office. What I’d been hoping for, was to catch one of the new horror flicks just released. What I settled for was Crank.

If you happened to catch the preview for this film, you already know the plot line. Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) has been injected with a synthetic Asian poison. The drug will take over his system and slow his heart to a stop if he doesn’t keep the adrenaline pumping through his blood. Chelios contacts his doctor and his girlfriend and speeds off to find the gangsters who sentenced him to die.

Plot: 1 star

Statham first drew my attention through a series of British films (Snatch, Mean Machine and Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels). He went on to do The Transporter and its sequel. While he’s not really a bad actor, he typically only plays one type of character. But, it’s always a character with a sexy accent. His girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart) is the kind of ditzy blone stoner girl I generally hate in movies. However, for some reason I enjoyed her acting in Crank. The interaction between the two characters is cute and not overdone. All of the gangsters were terrible actors playing awfully sterotypical parts. Chev’s little gay friend (Efren Ramirez) is kind of amusing, but not terribly necessary to the story line.

Acting: 2 stars

Since Crank is one big adrenaline quest, it is packed with action. There are gun battles, fist fights, cars flipping over, chases and one final battle aboard a helicopter. Unfortunately, this is yet another example of Hollywood action choreography. The camera is always focused to tightly on the actors during the hand-to-hand sequences to show the full range of each punch, kick, or head-butt. What Americans are good at, generally speaking, are explosions and car stunts. The very last scene, in which Celios and his enemy Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo) battle in the air smacks way too much of blue-screen cut-and-paste photography. In other words, it’s very obviously fake. For a movie that packs so much action, it wasn’t enough to get my adrenaline pumping.

Action: 2 stars

The visual effects in Crank, blue screen excluded, are interesting. Since Chev is doped up with poison, the perspective through his eyes is wavy and distorted. The scenes shown through the character’s eyes do a good job of conveying the disorientation that he is struggling with. A good deal of the film is alternately sped up and slowed down, which was an effect that worked well in some scenes, but not so well in others. The naked girls in the plastic bubbles were a nice touch.

Visual: 3 stars

The dialogue in Crank is fairly weak. There was no original style to any of the character’s lines. Most of the gangsters have very tired, stereotypical Latino accents and deliver lines that are just as tired and stereotypical. There is a lot of macho posturing and not much in the way of cool comebacks.

Dialogue: 1 star

To conclude, Crank was a movie that I much rather would have liked to have rented than have forked over the admission for three. It wouldn’t have been worth the cost of one ticket.

Alternate viewing choice: Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
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The C List

Casino Royale

The Cat Returns (a.k.a Neko No Ongaeshi)

Christmas Evil

Collateral

Constantine

The Count of Monte Cristo

Crank

Creep