Into the Blue (2005)

Directed by: John Stockwell
Format: DVD
DVD Features: trailers, commentary, screen tests, deleted scenes, star interviews
Starring: Jessica Alba, Paul Walker, Scott Caan, Ashley Scott, Josh Brolin
extra long trailer

***This movie has been nominated for a Gummi Award in the Best Gratuitous Display of Abdominal Muscles category.**

Ah, the ocean. The wide open sea. The boundless horizon of waves and adventure. The bounty of life teeming just below its surface...The myriad of terrifying ways to die...the lack of oxygen...the raging storms..the minuscule jellyfish that can cause days of incredible pain... Yeah, the ocean? Not so much fun for me. The ocean is something that demands respect and if you forget that for a moment, that's the moment she kills you. Nothing short of a bottle full of Valium and a million dollars will ever get me on a boat. While I'm content to view its amazing glory from shore and play cautiously in the surf, there are millions of people who make their living on ships.

In fact, the heroes of Into the Blue hardly spend a moment on dry land. Jared is a diver and amateur treasure hunter who dreams of the big score. His girlfriend, Sam, studies sharks (or maybe just works at Sea World) and is perfectly content with the humble life they lead. Enter Jared's buddy and cocky young lawyer, Bryce. Bryce has his newly acquired young whor..I mean "girlfriend" in tow and the pair have flown in to vacation in the Bahamas. The four borrow a yacht from one of Bryce's clients and go out for a dive. While poking around in the sand, Jared and Sam find some clues that could lead them to a major discovery. The trouble is, the group also finds an airplane wreck and it's full of cocaine. Trying to keep the buried treasure to themselves until they can acquire the equipment to dig it up and stake their claim could be difficult. Nobody looses a cargo plane full of blow and neglects to go looking for it.

So, naturally the plot here leaves much to be desired. Poor Jared is so down and out that he can't afford a ship of his own or any treasure hunting equipment. However, I wonder where this twenty-something guy got the dough to be living in the Bahamas in the first place. Plus, he's dating Jessica Alba so it's a little hard to feel sorry for him. His former boss and gold seeking rival, played by Josh Brolin, appears whenever it's important to egg on the main characters, but is he really making money digging up sunken artifacts? I realize that The Bahamas are just a small group of islands, but I didn't realize that it's the kind of place where everybody knows everybody else. In Into the Blue, the whole scenario wraps up as neatly as a Guy Ritchie flick, but without all the style and class. Awfully convenient but terribly uninspired.

The acting is tolerable on the part of Alba and Paul Walker (who plays Jared), but everyone else, including Brolin, sink to the watery depths of forgetful performances. There are only two real reasons why this movie was made. Reason one: to show off Jessica Alba's nearly naked body. The girl is undeniably hot, but in this film, she's almost skeletal. As a vegetarian, I never thought I'd say this, but girlfriend needs a Big Mac. Besides, how many shots of her ass can they fit into one movie anyway? The second reason, and the only thing that redeems this crappy movie, is the beautiful underwater cinematography. It far outshines any other aspect of this movie. If only they could cut out the scenes of the mediocre gangsters, snore-inducing plot and empty air tank gauges and just show the spectacular fish and crystal blue heaven, I might actually be willing to watch Into the Blue a second time.

The verdict? This movie sucks and not just because I'm a confirmed landlubber. Hell, Jaws, The Abyss and Pirates of the Caribbean all get the "thumbs up" from yours truly (I guess you don't have to wait for those reviews). I was all prepared to nod approvingly at the movie's fair depiction of sharks too, and then Mr. Seven Rows of Teeth took a chunk out of someone. Sigh. This was one of those movies that I saw the trailer for and thought, "Not gonna see that one". But then someone (thank you Kris) had to go and nominate it for a Gummi Award!

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 2 stars

Alternate Recommendation: The Abyss
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IMDB Page
The Village Voice review