Running Scared (1986)

Directed by: Peter Hyams
Format: DVD
DVD Features: Outtakes/Behind the scenes, trailer
Starring: Billy Crystal, Gregory Hines, Dan Hedaya, Joe Pantoliano

**This movies has been nominated for a Gummi Award in the Best Dialogue category.**

I'm old enough to remember the 1980's. The hair, the spandex, the sport coats...the legwarmers (shudder). If there was a committee to suppress the comeback of legwarmers, I'd join up. As much as I detest the fashion and a great majority of the music from that decade, there are moments when I recall it with amusement. Thoses moments are mostly connected to the period's rare gems of film. I've ranted before about all of the great movies I remember from the 80's, bit it's the advances in technology that I get a kick out of. There's just something about a cell phone the size of a dictionary that cracks me up. Yes, Running Scared features one such phone and even a box of 8-track tapes!

Running Scared is a mid-eighties "buddy cop" comedy. Danny Costanzo (Crystal) and Ray Hughes (Hines) are officers with The Chicago Police Department. The pair are a little rough around the edges and don't always do things by the book. Nevertheless, they get the job done. Their latest case involves a known drug smuggler - Julio Gonzales (Jimmy Smits), who has been recently released from prison and is already up to no good. Hughes and Costanzo are on the case, sure that something smells fishy but lack the evidence to back up their hunch. They capture one of Gonzales' henchmen, Snake (Pontoliano) and convince him to wear a wire - unaware that they're about to tangle an undercover op.

The banter between the two partners is often clever and amusing. In one scene, the pair get held up by a couple of petty theives. Far from being rattled, Costanzo and Hughes exchange whitty remarks, "Pointing a gun at a police officer - can we waste them for that?" They also take quite a bit of liberty with The Miranda Rights. What makes the comedy here so effective is the delivery. Each line is delivered with a straight face, expert timing and so nonchalant that they're often easy to miss.

The plot, on the other hand, leaves something to be desired. It's very typical of the genre and the era. In Running Scared, can be found the following: the requisite hard ass Sargent, the suspended leave of absence for bad behavior, the pissed off ex wife and the familiar "bad guy kidnaps loved ones" scenario. But, certain scenes make up for the unoriginal content. I particularly enjoyed the car chase on the train tracks, the rigged police line-up and the ways Hughes finds to distract his lover's boyfriend. One thing I didn't expect was the ending. Have you seen the Simpson's "Schwarzenegger/Mendoza" send up? Well, without giving too much away, I'll just say that it always seems to be a curse when cops decide to retire.

I got more than I'd hoped for with Running Scared. I expected to groan and roll my eyes a lot, but I didn't expect to laugh. I expected cheesy one-liners, race related humor and terrible hair. I even expected Hines to do some dancing. On all counts, I was pleasantly surprised. There's a reason Crystal was a star.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2
Hottie Rating: 0

Alternate Recommendation: Rush Hour
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DVD Verdict review (and I swear I wrote my review before I read this one!)

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Rawhead Rex (1986)

Director: George Pavlou
Venue: Online
Starring: David Dukes, Kelly Piper, Heinrich von Schellendorf, Niall Toibin

The 1980’s produced a number of good movies. The Breakfast Club with Emilio Estevez and Molly Ringwald was one of my favorites. Back to The Future with Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd was an instant classic. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off tops my list of best 80’s movies. It’s true that not everything created in the 80’s was a good thing. If you’re as old as I am, you’ll remember the wall-o-bangs hairstyles, legwarmers and baby boomers. Yet, certain things born in this era should stay buried in the past. In fact, some movies are so bad, so criminally awful, so devoid of any redeeming quality, that every last copy should be hunted down and tossed into the flaming pyre of shame, along with their creators.

Rawhide Rex does indeed have a plot. Granted, it’s pathetically contrived and about as weak as a 2 day old puppy, but it’s a plot nonetheless. The story takes place somewhere in Ireland, in a rural village. When a local farmer uproots an ancient monolith, the legendary demon, Rawhead Rex is released and begins to terrorize the township. Howard Hallenbeck (Dukes) and his family have arrived just in time for the massacre. Hallenbeck has been carting his family around the countryside, photographing small churches and attempting to uncover their Pagan roots. Luckily for the rest of the population, his photos hold the key to stopping the demon.

As you may have guessed, the prominent character in Rawhide Rex is, in fact, Rawhide Rex himself. With that in mind, it’s reasonable to expect a little bit of effort to go into the costume. However, a gorilla suit, a dime-store Halloween mask, and a few castoffs from the Mad Max wardrobe room don’t quite scream, “resurrected demon from Hell” to me. Rex is basically Heinrich von Schellendorf running around in a cheap costume yelling, “Rawr!”. His little devotee is father Declan O’Brien (Ronan Wilmot), who becomes so after touching a mysterious hot spot on a table in the church (I kid you not). In a WTF moment toward the climax of the movie, Rex unexpectedly “shoots his load” all over the priest. I suppose that’s what he gets for dropping the F-bomb about 20 times in a row inside a church.

The protagonist in the picture isn’t much more entertaining and his family pretty much deserves to be torn to shreds by Rawhead Rex. His wife Elaine can’t seem to find anything to wear except her nightgown and takes absolutely no interest in parenting her two kids. Little Robbie Hallenbeck (Hugh O’Conor) is a mouthy brat who keeps his nose in his comic books and smarts off to his parents constantly. The little girl’s name is Minty. Who names their child Minty? Other than constantly whining, she’s a typical tyke. Hardly any of the rest of the characters in this movie are worth mentioning, except that they’re a mob of Irish stereotypes – ignorant and drunk.

Watching Rawhide Rex, one almost expects to see three little silhouettes in the bottom corner, cracking wise about the movie. However, if you find yourself watching this monstrosity, it won’t be hard to make up your own clever quips. That might be the only way to survive the 89 minutes of your life flushing rapidly down the drain. There’s absolutely nothing in this movie worth taking seriously and it’s even too bad to have that camp appeal which might otherwise make it bearable. No wonder I was never a Clive Barker fan. Heed my warning and avoid at all costs.

Overall Rating: 0
Hottie Rating: 0

Alternate viewing: Hellraiser
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Cavalcade of Schlock review

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