The Mangler 2 (2001)

Directed by: Michael Hamilton-Wright
Format: On Demand
Starring: Lance Henriksen, Chelse Swain, Daniella Evangelista, Miles Meadows, Will Sanderson
Trailer

I will watch almost any movie, once, depending on the situation. I shop the horror section, on most occasions, before venturing elsewhere. That being said, I'll explain the situation that led me to choose The Mangler 2 from my On Demand menu. A couple of weeks ago, in an attempt to get a handle on my love handles (watching movies all day will do that), I hired a personal trainer. This past Saturday, she worked me so hard that, on the following day, I was barely able to move due to muscle soreness. Taking this as the perfect excuse to shirk my responsibilities and lay in bed all day watching movies, I set about to do just that. Although I had just rented two perfectly watchable DVDs from the video store that prior evening, I decided to go for the cheap thrill. "Besides," I reasoned, "that Ellen Page movie would probably go better with a dusky light and a glass of wine."

The Mangler 2 centers around a group of private college students. Jo Newton (Swain) is the daughter of a neglectful father who happens to own the school. She is of the angsty/goth/hacker variety, although her "hacking" consists mainly of downloading programs from the Internet. She and her fellow school prefects are held back from a school outing because the jerk headmaster (Henricksen) wants to know who's defaced the school's website. Feeling pissed off and outcast from her classmates, Jo decides to infect the building's new high-tech security system with (dun, dun, duuuuun!) The Mangler 2 virus. Just as the program is busy downloading, class jock, Dan (Sanderson), climbs through her window and distracts her from her revenge. The two run off to join the others, Emily, Corey and Will (Dexter Bell) for an impromptu pool party.

After Jo brags about her newest prank on the school, the group realizes that they would be the prime suspects since they're the only students there. So, they all run up to the headmaster's office to fix his email and place the blame on someone else. As they make their way through the empty hallways, they begin to come across mangled faculty members. When one of their own is boiled alive by the sprinkler system, they realize that they've got to fight the machines for their lives and try to escape the grounds before they're all dead.

Here's a movie selection tip - whenever you see Lance Henricksen's name on the cast list, avoid at all costs. His filmography is a list of B-grade flops and cartoon voice-acting. Granted, there are a few exceptions, like Alien or (maybe) the first Pumpkinhead, but it's a safe bet that whatever horror movie he's involved in will suck horribly. The rest of the cast of "teenagers" is just as awful. Daniella Evangelista plays class slut Emily who is mainly just a set of boobs bouncing their way through the script. She'd be attractive if the camera never panned above her neck. Of course, The Mangler 2 includes the class stoner, Corey (Meadows) and the token black guy (Bell) as well. Chelse Swain only has one expression - the twisted mouthed angsty one - and she doesn't pull even that off very well. Midway through the movie, the school's chef (Philippe Bergeron) is added to the group of hopeful escapees. His anti-computer monologues could have been amusing if they weren't delivered in the most lame fake French accent ever. In fact, I didn't realize he was trying to be French until someone mentioned it in the movie.

Sometimes, I can overlook a sad plot and horrible acting if the gore is exceptional. Sadly, that wasn't the case with The Mangler 2. There is some blood splatter and a crazy, wire entangled, horny headmaster, but some of the murders are offscreen. In a horror movie, no kill should ever, ever be offscreen. None of the effects were nauseating or even shocking. The animated computer wires are laughable. Even Jo's animated fractal screensaver is pathetic.

I never saw the first Mangler movie. After having seen the sequel, I don't think I need to see another Mangler movie ever again. This movie was weak, it lacked imagination, there was hardly any gore involved, and the acting was scraping the barrel. Don't waste your time with this movie. I've seen porn with better acting. There are a million horror movies out there and I'm betting that at least 80% of them are better than The Mangler 2. Still, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen and for that, and that alone, I can't give it a 0 rating.

Overall Rating: 1/2 star
Hottie Rating: 1 star

Alternate Recommendation: an episode of Scooby Doo
Official Site (none found)
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DVD Verdict review

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Only You (1994)

Directed by: Norman Jewison
Fortmat: On Demand
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Marisa Tomei, Bonnie Hunt, Joaquim De Almeida
Trailer

This may be Gummi Popcorn's first romantic comedy review. I tend to avoid the genre in general, because most of these movies are predictable, cheesey, sappy, unrealistic and just plain boring. They're fairy tales; the kind of things shown to little girls to make them believe there's a prince charming out there somewhere. They're also churned out by Hollywood like a Chip's Ahoy cookie. The most heart-breaking scenes I've ever seen were found in dramas and foreign or indy films. Real romance, I feel, is filled with pain and anguish. That being said, I have found, on very rare occasions, I good romantic comedy. Some of the early 80's films (most of them star John Cusak) can be fun to watch. The only thing that made me take a chance on Only You was Robert Downey Jr.

Faith (Tomei) is about to be a young bride. All her life, she has believed in destiny. When she was a child, she was told that she would marry a man named Damon Bradley. A week before her wedding to a boring pediatrist, she gets a phone call. After she hangs up the reciever, she realizes the name she jotted down was Damon Bradley. So, beliving this could be her last chance to meet the man of her dreams, she rushes off to the airport (in her wedding dress) to catch a plane to Italy. Tagging along is her sister-in-law and best friend Kate (Hunt). The pair try to track Faith's mystery man from hotel to restaurant and across the country. As Faith is chasing Mr. Bradley through the streets of Venice, she loses a shoe in true Cinderella style. The man who delivers the shoe says his name is Damon Bradley. The two spend a romantic night together and seems to click perfectly. There's just one catch - he lied about his name. His real name is Peter (Downey) and he's madly enough in love with Faith to try one more deception to keep her around.

The whole premise of Only You is silly, but so is love. Faith is willing to risk her entire future on a name. Where she gets the money to jet off to Italy on a whim is beyond me. Faith's friend Kate is married and jaded and rightfully so, because her husband (played by Fisher Stevens) is a jerk who takes her away from her "girls' night out" to cook dinner for his poker friends. So, why is she willing to deny a wealthy, debonair Italian wife snatcher a chance? Even Peter, who is really the perfect match for Faith, is kind of a dirtbag. He consistently lies to her and, while his intentions are good, is this really a characteristic to admire in a man?

I have had a crush on Robert Downey Jr. since I don't know when. The reasons are beyond me, but whether he's a heartbroken liar, a dream-obsessed businessman or a down-and-out junkie, I love the guy. There's just something about the actor that draws me in. He looks great in Only You and, despite the fact he's untruthful, I wanted his character to succeed. I'd never understood the obsession with Marisa Tomei until I saw this movie. She really is beautiful. In Only You, she has a sort of Audrey Hepburn allure (and haircut) and naivete that makes Faith an enjoyable character. Naturally, she needs a friend and confidant to cling to, who provides the more realistic approach while still being supportive. Boonie Hunt does a reasonable job of fulliflling that role while carrying on a subplot of her own. I was a bit disappointed that the third in the friendly trio, Leslie (Siobhan Fallon) didn't have a larger part in the movie.

Only You is a cute and light movie. Admittedly, there were moments where I was drawn in. But, it was just as frustrating as most romantic comedies are. Why don't these people just communicate to each other? As usual, it's got a perfect ending, where the two who were truly meant to be together, find the strength to unite. Maybe it's just the result of my experiences, but I still prefer a more realistic approach to love. Woody Allen usually gets it right, I just wish he wouldn't act. If you're a fan of the genre, I think Only You will be a nice addition to your collection. As a non-fan, I was interested in the scenery, but not so much the plot.

Overall Rating: 2 stars
Hottie Rating: 4 stars (for beautiful Tomei and my crush on Robert)

Alternate Recommendation: Chasing Amy
Official Site
IMDB Page
Washington Post review - I honestly coudln't find another accurate or well written review for this one.

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